Christmas Card outtakes.
This is what I was going for, but it was too cheesy-and, that is really saying something because I love cheesy-so I went with a family beach picture instead.
Living Will
Tonight’s post is courtesy of too much pumpkin pie and an email from my dad. Make sure to check twitter tomorrow for Ang’s birthday joke.
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
They got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
They’re so considerate.
Filed under Family-blame the DNA, stupidity | Comments OffCutastrophe ‘aught nine.
Alternate title: In which I overreact on a huge scale.
He inherited a head full of crazy cowlicks from The Husband’s side of the family, and a thick head full of independent and stubborn hair from mine. Buzz cuts are just not my style, and short, short little boy hair is cute on other little boys….but, I like MY kiddo to have as long of hair as my hubby will allow. If it were just up to me he would be sporting a shaggy skater do.
This kid just needed a teeny, teeny, itsy bit taken off of his bangs. Our usual and most wonderful stylist K had a baby one week exactly before this one. I reasoned that there was no need to drive 25 minutes and bother K just for a teeny little bang trim. Surely anybody who is a licensed stylist could handle that, right?
Wrong. I told her to just trim them to his eyebrows. First snip of the scissors saw three inches of hair on the cape. I literally gasped. Calm down, calm down. It is just a little short. Snip. Snip. Snip. Fourth cut. ACK! FOUR INCHES right off the front. “Your kid is moving! He needs to mind me and hold still.” “I am standing right here! He is holding perfectly still.” “Well, he is making me nervous.” “You are making ME nervous.”
I picked him up, removed his cape, and walked out, not paying, four cuts into the worst hair massacre ever. WAY worse than this. You think I am exaggerating?
And it looked even crazier in real life.
I called K in tears. I felt like I was confessing to cheating on her. She graciously invited us to her home, let me cuddle her babies, and calmed me down.
She is awesome–but she is not God, and cannot magically grow hair, so the end result is still A LOT shorter than this pseudohippy would like, but it is much better.
Lesson learned: if you love who cuts your hair–NEVER EVER go somewhere else, even for a teeny trim. Oh, and also? K said she would have cried too.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Friends-All three of them, NaBloPoMo, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it, stupidity | Comments (6)More as story develops.
Oh sweet Jesus, here is the before. Yeah, he needed a haircut. I get it.
NaBloPlace holder
In less than twenty-four hours I landed in San Antonio, went to a wedding with authentic Mariachis and an awesome country band, complimented the bride on her kicking cowgirl boots, had a mild fight with my husband, made-up (and out) with my husband, groused about people letting their three old’s run crazy in hotels at seven AM –like my own three year old has not done the same thing, walked barefoot back through security, and was in the air again on my way home.
It was what you might call a whirlwind trip, and you never even knew I was gone–but I was and now I am tired. Which means you get a cheater NaBloPoMo post tonight.
I have no idea who this kid is, or where he is–but I do know how this mama feels. Most people can spot a breastfed baby pretty easily, but this child makes it TOO easy!
Filed under Breastfeeding, NaBloPoMo, stupidity | Comments (2)Lord help me, I just sent a car a fan letter.
Thought you might want to see what I wrote:
Good Morning Herbie!
My name is (The Son), I am your BIGGEST FAN, and am turning three on 8/31. You are my all time favorite, my Grandpa brought me an rc you in the hospital the day I was born and I carry you around instead of a blanket or any other lovey. I kept leaving you places so my parents spent an obscene amount of money on eBay to replace you, so now I have you and a spare just in case.
I have seen all of your movies MANY times, but my favorites are The Love Bug and Herbie Goes Bananas. In fact, I want to name my goldfish, Ocho, because of Herbie Goes Bananas.
My Mama is throwing me a Herbie birthday party on 8/30! I am so excited, because she tells me you are coming! (or some poser who looks just like you is coming.) Could I please have your autograph? Anyway I could get it in time for my Party? I thought my friends I am inviting might feel left out since they love you too… so may I have 4 autographs?
Thank you so much Herbie! I LOVE YOU, and can’t wait for the rumored Herbie in the Outback movie.
Love, The Son Huckablog
(thanks to my mama for helping me type!)
You can send Herbie an email too by going HERE:
UPDATE: DAMAGE CONTROL:
Uhh. Awkward! Right, uh, so I have lots of friends who read this site. Lots of friends with children. Lots of friends with children who have not been invited to this party. We are going on vacation really soon after the party so decided to keep it really, really small by only inviting three of The Son’s friends who are exactly his age, and car obsessed boys, and whom he sees all the time. We still love you, and your precious little one, but uh–well please still be our friends! And, invite us to your birthday parties if you are having big ones with more than a handful of age appropriate friends, we will totally come and bring awesome presents, books probably.
10 Things I Think You Should Know.
1. Up is a darn fine movie. I give it four great big shiny stars….unless you are under the age of seven. If you are under the age of seven, then first off, why are you here? Shouldn’t you be over here instead? Secondly, Up is much too scary for you. And too sad. Really it is just a whole year’s worth of therapy sessions you will have to pay for later in life, and you don’t need that, you should be cushioning your IRA instead. Then maybe you can help pay for The Son’s therapy because his parents took him to see this movie, and he spent 120 minutes asking if it was “real scary” or “pretend scary”, or if those were good dogs or bad dogs, or if that old lady was sick, or…. Yeah, it is not a good movie for a preschooler.
2. If you feed your family a dinner of popcorn served in a washtub, a bag of Reese’s Pieces which needs its own zip code, and a coke big enough for Michael Phelps to do laps in–you are probably going to have to ingest nothing but sprouts and glacier water for a month to make up for it.
3. You should be prepared to hear comments when you go into public wearing a bikini top with jeans, such as “Mama, she needs to put on a shirt to cover up her Nur-Nurs!”
4. Just because a stuffed gorilla wearing a captain’s hat and named Tennille has been in your two year old’s room since birth does not mean all of a sudden it is not scary. It could even be considered so scary the gorilla must be removed from the premises before any sleeping can take place.
5. My son is a swimming prodigy. He is going to get bumped up to the guppy class from the seahorse class because he can blow bubbles and kick at a four year old level. I am currently making room for his gold medal in my china cabinet.
6. We belong to a supper club and one of its goals is to let the hostess each month show off her culinary skills. We are hosting it at our house on Friday night and I have absolutely no intention of cooking. Isn’t that is the purpose of take out?
7. The Husband and I have found a new show on Hulu and love it, even though it is completely sadistic.
8. Shoeshe spent the weekend with us and The Son has not stopped asking when she is coming back since she left. She also would not give me her cute flip flops with Alma Mater’s logo even though we are the same size and she can totally buy a replacement pair because she WORKS there.
9. My new dentist is freaking gorgeous. Like movie star gorgeous, and even though my taste runs much more towards the adorable computer geek genre, I hate he always sees me with a blue paper bib around my neck.
10. Today tickets were purchased for The Son and I to fly to New York and Pennsylvania with my parents AND grandparents for the second leg of the farewell tour. I am actually very excited to be going, yet, certain I need to pack my crazy pills.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Watch it or Whine, lexapro lexplains it, stupidity | Comments (5)