The truth and nothing but the truth.
1. I scratched the windshield of thehuckablazer this morning by trying to de-ice it with an ice-cream scoop since I have no scraper thingy. It is the south people! TRUE. I need an ice scraper MAYBE three or four times a year. We do own a fancy scraper (with a big brush on the back and everything!) but it was buried in the garage and the three year old was already strapped in the huckablazer, and late for preschool. At the time I congratulated myself for my ingenuity. Whoopsy.
2. I not only wore my fuzzy warm jammie bottoms to preschool drop off but, to pick-up as well. And also for the rest of the day. TRUE. Three days. I spent three days only leaving the house for drive-throughs and drop offs and such, and um only wearing things bought originally for sleepwear. It was COLD! And I never get cold, so you know it was really, really cold.
3. All my child ingested today was Cheetos, water, and a hungry hungry hippo marble. FALSE. First of all, he has not put toys in his mouth for about a year now. Secondly–as a rule he only gets junk food if he has had something semi healthyish first. If I remember correctly, that day he had whole wheat toast with sugar free jam for breakfast, sliced chicken breast and cheese roll ups, fruit, pizza, milk, water, and yes–Cheetos.
4. The Son fell asleep during his stories tonight. The Husband and I finished the book. TRUE. See below. No nap. He was wiped out and fell asleep mid-story–and it was a good story! Just to make sure he was really out, and because The Husband wanted to see what happened, we finished the book.
5. One person in this house took a nap today. It was not the three year old. TRUE. It was me. I fell asleep and the kiddo sat next to me “reading” for a good forty-five minutes.
That was fun! Now you tell me your truths and lies!
PS. JHJ! For crying out loud. I am TRYING to give you a PRESENT! Not a jab in the eye! Here is a hint. It has to do with Belgian Surrealism.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies | Comments (6)Irrational
You know The Son was born at Pi right? Yup. 3:14 pm. So maybe he is irrational by birth. Maybe it is his age. Maybe it is poor parenting. Maybe aliens kidnapped my sweet baby and brought back a little tyrant. Maybe it is that full moon. Whatever it is –I am this (holding fingers very close together) close to going totally bonkers.
Today (using that term loosely since it is now 1:12 am) he: Threw a fit because I would not let him DRIVE MY TRUCK. Ran away from me in a crowded restaurant. Cried when I made him wear pants outside…in 30 degree weather. Absolutely LOST HIS MIND when I told him he had to wear a hat and gloves to help Daddy hang Christmas lights. Told me I was mean because I would not let him buy the 359$ train set at the hardware store. Steadfastly refused to take a much needed (for me) nap. Had not one, but TWO, potty related accidents–one of which he removed his underwear for so he could pee on the futon in his room and then put back on his Lighting McQueen underoos–the other less than three seconds after his Daddy asked him if he needed to go. Purposely stuck his fingers in his mouth to make himself gag. Screamed at the top of his lungs when the light was turned off for bed.
Someone tell me that whole this too passing thing again?
Filed under Boy is my face red, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (6)Cutastrophe ‘aught nine.
Alternate title: In which I overreact on a huge scale.
He inherited a head full of crazy cowlicks from The Husband’s side of the family, and a thick head full of independent and stubborn hair from mine. Buzz cuts are just not my style, and short, short little boy hair is cute on other little boys….but, I like MY kiddo to have as long of hair as my hubby will allow. If it were just up to me he would be sporting a shaggy skater do.
This kid just needed a teeny, teeny, itsy bit taken off of his bangs. Our usual and most wonderful stylist K had a baby one week exactly before this one. I reasoned that there was no need to drive 25 minutes and bother K just for a teeny little bang trim. Surely anybody who is a licensed stylist could handle that, right?
Wrong. I told her to just trim them to his eyebrows. First snip of the scissors saw three inches of hair on the cape. I literally gasped. Calm down, calm down. It is just a little short. Snip. Snip. Snip. Fourth cut. ACK! FOUR INCHES right off the front. “Your kid is moving! He needs to mind me and hold still.” “I am standing right here! He is holding perfectly still.” “Well, he is making me nervous.” “You are making ME nervous.”
I picked him up, removed his cape, and walked out, not paying, four cuts into the worst hair massacre ever. WAY worse than this. You think I am exaggerating?
And it looked even crazier in real life.
I called K in tears. I felt like I was confessing to cheating on her. She graciously invited us to her home, let me cuddle her babies, and calmed me down.
She is awesome–but she is not God, and cannot magically grow hair, so the end result is still A LOT shorter than this pseudohippy would like, but it is much better.
Lesson learned: if you love who cuts your hair–NEVER EVER go somewhere else, even for a teeny trim. Oh, and also? K said she would have cried too.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Friends-All three of them, NaBloPoMo, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it, stupidity | Comments (6)Big Boy Party (which is a not so cleverly disguised Weaning Party) is TOMORROW!
I have been nursing a human who can not only differentiate, but form a coherent opinion, on the pros and cons between blues and jazz.
This must end, and end it shall. TOMORROW!!
Everyone is invited for The Son’s BIG BOY party tomorrow morning. This is basically his weaning party with a more pre-schooler appropriate name. Come! Bring your children. Enjoy the milk bar. Congratulate The Son on being a Big Boy and me on having my breasts back. My house, 10:30 AM. Send me a tweet or email me for directions, heyyou at thehuckablog dot com.
Filed under Breastfeeding, Parenting for Dummies, The Son | Comments OffPride and Joy
My Son is cooler than I am. The Wiggles have left our house and have been replaced by men more likely to be friends with Captain Morgan than Captain Feathersword.
It started with a ring tone on The Husband’s phone. Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughn. He would request it over and over, and then we bought an SRV Greatest Hits Album, we now MUST listen to Pride and Joy as soon as we get in the Huckablazer.
One morning a couple of weeks ago, I was sick to death of our sweet Stevie and decided to see what else I could get him to love, and realized the kid is a guitar prodigy. We spent HOURS on you tube finding and listening to the guitar greats. His new favorites include Hendrix (of course), The Rolling Stones, George Harrison heavy Beatles, Chuck Berry, Led Zeppelin, B.B. King, and The Allman Brothers. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find preschooler appropriate, guitar genius filled music videos? I did a lot of singing loudly over the naughty bits.
Pride and Joy is still our favorite, because that song has history with the Huckablogs. Yes, I realize it was not written for me, but it is MY SONG. The Husband gave it to me years and years ago, and I am not giving it up–but I might be willing to share.
Anyone know how old you have to be to start guitar lessons? How to help a little boy find his groove while keeping his mama from worrying about things like groupies and worse? Let me know, I will be the one listening to the Carpenters and Celine Dion. (kidding, even I can’t listen to Celine Dion. Anymore.)
**Photography was done by this company for a MOPS fundraiser. He refused to smile for any of the pics until the photographer handed him a toy guitar.
Filed under Parenting for Dummies, Photography, The Son | Comments (6)Of course it is BROKEN.
If you have been reading this blog for any length of time whatsoever you already know I am; A. a total goofball, and B. incredibly clumsy. Today we learned that the little clumsy apple did not fall far from the tree. After the events of this past weekend (the end of which I spoil with the title) I had to go dig through an old college scrapbook to find a picture for you.
This is me. (I am so ashamed to admit I was 20 when this picture was taken. I am the one in the sombrero, the other ghost shall remain nameless for her protection.) I was on my way to burst in on my suitemates who shared a bathroom with us in the dorms at Alma Mater. I almost WISH I could say I was drunk, but I was stone cold sober….just a huge dork. The plan? To “scare” them. Because college girls are always scared of pink ghosts with large pink sombreros.
These were taken today.
Guess who has taken to throwing a blanket over his head and pretending he is a ghost? Yup. My banging on the door of three year old.
Like so many stories of ours which end with trips to the doctor or frantic calls to poison control, this one begins with me having to pee. Seriously if I could just learn to stop doing that already The Son would be so much safer. Right, so I was peeing. A little ghost threw open the door to the bathroom and yelled, “BOO MAMA! I a ghost!” I responded, “Ack! I am so scared, now go run and scare Daddy.” I hear little feet running down the hallway and then a SMACK! Followed by an, “AGHHHHHAAOWIE MAAAAMAAAA!”
Crap.
The Husband got there first since I ALWAYS thoroughly wash my hands. The little pinky toe is already swelling and turning weird colors. The little teeny baby toenail is cracked all the way down. We discuss the ER but, what are they going to do even if it is broken? Nothing, right? A night of NO sleep for ANYONE at the Huckablog World Headquarters due to the wails of, “MAAAMAAA! DAAAADDEEE! My itsy toe HURTS on my whole leg!” changed our minds. He got ANOTHER x-ray, and has his second broken bone in less than three years. No cast or even tape, just some narcotics for bedtime and the knowledge that it will hurt for awhile. I swear we are good parents y’all, but who else’s kid even does stuff like that?
Moral of the story is if you are going to be a ghost, make sure the blanket over your head has a loose weave, and no running.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (2)The Weaning Plan.
We have made the family decision it is time for The Son to be weaned. Two of the three of us are fine with it, but the third is not so sure.
I have been cutting off my little “Nur-nur” addict s l o w l y and it is just plain time to be done already. The original plan was to do Child Led Weaning, which means he chooses when he is done, but y’all, I know my kid and I seriously think he would nurse until middle school if I let him!
Here is the new plan. We are pretty much down to two or three (okay three to four) nursing sessions a day and they (with exception of nap- I will do whatever it takes for him to nap) are only about two minutes long. This month we are going to cut out two full sessions, and get any others to less than a minute.
On Monday we went to Hobby Lobby and I let him pick out several scrapbook papers, then we bought a pair of safety scissors (only big boys get to use scissors) and worked together to make a paper chain–one link for each day until he is a “big boy”. We hung it up in our living room and remove a link a day. We also have let him help pick out a “big boy” bed, and are going to do some re-arranging in his room.
We talk everyday about all the cool things a big boy gets to do and how he will be a big boy when he stops nursing. We have had a few instances of, “but I want to be a baby” but so far the elusive joys of big boydom seem to be winning. On August 29 we are having a weaning party (NOT a birthday party even though it is just two days before he turns three) we will all congratulate him on being a big boy, will set up his new bed, will have over his friends (um, at least the children of my sweet hippie friends who are cool with coming to a weaning party) and will have yummy homemade ice cream (made with rice milk for previously mentioned hippie friends).
What do you think internet? Anything else I can do to make this a gentle transistion for him? Anyone ever been to a weaning party and have suggestions of what we need to do? If you are near home town and are cool with what we are doing, you should totally come! (8/29, 10:30 am) Anyone appalled he is not weaned yet? Eh, get over it, nursing has been one of the best experiences of my life–has changed my life, and the way I think about my body. But, I am ready to see what comes next.
Filed under Breastfeeding, Parenting for Dummies, The Son | Comments Off