I was going to title this Germs, Gays, and Guns but that just seems so tacky!
We all have strep throat. I hate blogs where people whine non-stop so I will just say that it feels like I have been gargling with thumbtacks and leave it at that.
There have been two posts floating around in my head and neither one is complete, or honestly that good, so how about I throw them together and see what happens. It could not be worse than telling you about the fluctuations of our temporal thermometer.
I am officially all about facebook now. I can totally see the appeal. It is the voyeurism of reality television only with that person you met once at that thing or your mother’s second cousin once removed’s preacher instead of a total stranger! The thing about facebook is you learn details about people that you never would have known if not for that easy friend button. What have I learned? Every single boy I was attracted to as a teenager up until this jerk was a homosexual! Really. Fine. I am glad they are happy and being themselves. I don’t think a person’s sex life has anything to do with their worth. I judge that on how much money they have. Kidding! Good grief.
What I want to know is what it was about 13-16 year old me that made those boys want to date me? Hmm. Was I nice or gullible or accepting or what? I refuse to believe it was because I had any masculine features. I was/am a girly girl and had breasts out of the womb (or at least fifth grade). Why was I attracted to them? Well, they were cute and kind and I hated jocks. Feel free to look into your crystal ball and explain it to me. (disclaimer: I hope those previous two paragraphs did not come across as rude, or judgmental. I am pretty open minded, yet ignorant, all at the same time.)
Next up in the I am barely lucid strep screed I have going on today, guns. Specifically, guns in your house. I am a Republican. Surely you already knew this. More specifically I am a Constitutional Conservative. This means that I am A-Ok with you and your gun. Use it to kill yourself a baby seal for its coat or to rid your house of a bad guy or show it to your friends to make your penis feel bigger. Whatever. I really don’t care. BUT. There are no guns in my house. There are two reasons, both of which I have been struggling with, and my husband would appreciate your telling me to get over both of them, because he wants a handgun.
Reason one: The Husband does not hunt. He has no need to brag to his friends. The only reason we would have one would be a protection type thing. That and to piss off our hippie friends. Fine, so we would have a gun for “protection”. We also have a very smart and curious son. One who is already obsessed with guns, which he knows about only from playing with his friends. We, of course, would have a very good safe and trigger lock. So how is a gun that is locked up tighter than Fort Knox going to protect you when there is a bad guy in your house? How can one both keep kids safe and also have easy access when needed? (note: We live in a very safe and quiet community–this alleged bad guy in the house is quite a stretch.)
Reason two: People go crazy. I could go crazy. My Husband could go crazy. Anything could happen. We both have people in our families that have been totally nutso and it could happen….do I really want easy access to a gun IF….. ( did you see the BIG IF there?). I guess that is a crazy worry, but I can’t get it out of my head. For example, there was a gun in the apartment when this happened. Maybe that is what is really causing this stupid worry–which I know is not fair to my husband, the kindest, sweetest person on the planet, but a worry is a worry and the thought of a gun in my house makes me feel icky. Thoughts?
Filed under Dr. Google, Soap box, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (3)Still Inconvenient
This month’s postcard! I totally forgot, thanks for the reminder.
November 16, 1915
Miss Martha B.
Scranton PA
Friday eve, 7 P.M.
Please Pardon me for not writing Wed. eve as I promised. Am just as busy as can be. Mr. Nichols is away on his vacation and you know what that means! Ha! Will write as soon as convenient.
Fred
I think Mr. Nichols went to rehab. Or maybe a quick stay at the sanitarium. Speaking of crazy people, I am still working on this whole Lexapro withdrawal thing, although it is much, much better.
In November I started getting this crazy weird pain in my side. It really was more annoying then painful. Since I am prone to hypochondriacism I googled it and then I ignored it until February. When it still did not go away I went to the Doctor. She sent me for a full abdominal ultrasound (no fun when not knocked up!). It showed nothing. So last week I went for a dye scan thing. Turns out when the ob/gyn pumped me full of estrogen last fall to stop that other problem(when I looked for a link to that whiny post I realized I never told you about it. Good for me. It fell into the waywayway tmi category anyway.) (it still was not caused by breastfeeding! Was not!) the doctors may have over done it. That particular medicine turned to sludge in my gallbladder. Ew. No stones, just sticky goo clogging up the works.
I got the test results back today…..and my gallbladder is only functioning at 26%. Not good. Just in time for my brain to be clear I am going to have to have surgery. Boo. In other words? Blogging is still not super convenient, but I promise I have written dozens of lovely posts in my head!
Filed under Dr. Google, lexapro lexplains it, vintage | Comments (11)Someone has the grouchies.
No, that is the GROUCHOS.
Well, yeah, I guess he has the grouchies too–what three year old doesn’t? But this post is about someone else’s grouchies…Mine. Remember around a year and a half ago when I tried coming off Lexapro? What? You mean you don’t remember each minute detail of my pharmaceutical history? I mentioned it here and here. Anyway. At time the benefits of being on a small dose of SSRI were greater than the side effects. That means I have been on Lexapro, originally prescribed for Post partum depression, for over three years. I am not so much post partum anymore! I need to see how I am without the drugs. I need to stop having (taken from their website: I may or may not have these particular side effects.):
- Drowsiness, dizziness
- Sleep problems
- Mild nausea, gas, heartburn, upset stomach, constipation
- Weight gain, inability to lose weight
- Decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm
- Dry mouth, yawning, ringing in your ears.
Right-O. So those pretty much suck, right? Only these are the side effects of weaning off Lexapro, which I have been actively doing for the past month:
- Irritability
- Agitation
- Dizziness
- A burning or tingling sensation
- Anxiety
- Confusion
- Headache
- Insomnia
- Tiredness.
Wowza! Super fun! We can add to that a general dread of blogging. I do not like a single thing I have written for the past three plus weeks. I feel dizzy when I start typing. Re-sizing pictures makes me nauseous. I have considered pulling the plug on Thehuckablog.
This is where you say, “Oh NO! You can’t do that! I check your blog first thing every morning!”
I will wait while you leave a comment.
Okay, anyway, I hate blogging right now, but I know I won’t as soon as this general suckiness is over. Thanks for hanging in there with me and understanding why there are not forty posts about how my head hurts and the room has a distinct spinning sensation.
Filed under lexapro lexplains it | Comments (6)Only one title is appropriate here. WTH!
THIRTY! I AM THIRTY! Not Fifty. Get it straight AARP. THIRTY!!!
I am still suspicious of this being a prank and am squarely looking at my dad–but he seemed just so innocent when I questioned him. Does anyone want to confess? JHJ? Shoeshe?
Filed under Boy is my face red, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (3)Choices.
The Son has the snuffles. That is news worthy right? I didn’t think so either. A certain somebody watched The Son for a couple of hours this morning so I could go to MOPS. This certain somebody also said that I needed to post some pictures of my kiddo. I said, “But MOM! You are who told me I needed to concentrate on cleaning my house! I cleaned. See? Clean.” I only have so much non-parenting time. Choices must be made. My house was a hole. I neglected my blog, and facebook, and my IRL friends for a week and now the pope can come over.
This makes me happy. Good choice.
Exactly a year ago my hubby made the choice to buy me a very nice camera because he had faith in me.
That made me ecstatic. A VERY good choice.
I offered to take a zillion and a half pictures of people’s kids. For free. I spent HOURS processing them, and agonizing over tiny details instead of sleeping.
This made me tired. Poor choice.
A few people told me I did not suck, that I needed to be charging, that I could do it. This made me feel encouraged so I chose to throw up a website.
This made me feel intimidated and scared, so I have yet to make it live. Probably not a great choice.
I am not happy with how my pictures turn out when printed if you must know the truth. No matter what I do, they seem dark when professionally printed, and I can’t sell something printed at Wal-Mart. The Husband says I need a professional grade monitor. I hate to spend MORE money on a hobby that has yet to even pay for a lens, much less the rest of my equipment.
That choice has yet to be made.
I enjoy taking pictures. I love seeing people thrilled with what I have done. I know this is a good creative outlet, and that it is good for my soul to be creative.
I choose to have fun doing something I never expected to be good at. Correct choice.
Should I scrap the photography website/business, and just take pictures of people’s kids for free and have fun, and not spend more money, and not feel bad if the pictures are not as good as I know they could be? Should I do what it takes to be better than good, to make a little money, to be more than just a hobbyist?
I need help with this choice.
THIRTY things about this THIRTY year old on her THIRTIETH birthday.
1. I have a recurring dream that I am out having fun with my friends, shopping or dancing or something, and I realize I have forgotten my kid and wake up in a panic wondering where he is. He is usually just actually sleeping in his own bed instead of next to me.
2. There are so many things I love about my husband. One of the main reasons? He is a huge dork like me. We are honest to goodness considering our vacation this year to be a 3000 mile road trip through all of the homes and travels of Laura Ingalls Wilder. (Hey you know who, it goes through Omaha.)
3. I never let my kid win at Memory or Hungry Hungry Hippos.
4. My Christmas stuff was all put away on time this year- except for the sad undecorated tree which is still up and in my living room waiting for a new home at my BiL’s. Next year I will not be spending two days putting the stupid thing together.
5. I remember my fifth birthday party vividly. It was at a McDonald’s. As a rule I pretty much hate McDonald’s now.
6. I get my feelings hurt really easily. I saw a couple of Christmas party pictures on facebook, and my feelings were hurt that I was not invited to the party. INVITE ME PLACES! I am so needy.
7. I am having a crisis of confidence regarding my photography recently.
8. My bedroom was yellow and white when I was a little girl. I did not like it because I wanted pink, but looking back at pictures–it was ADORABLE, especially considering it was the eighties.
9. I don’t think thehuckablog.com is representative of me. It is supposed to be, and is in some ways–but I tend to post when feeling melancholy or upset and never when I am happy and cheerful. I think that you all think I am depressed all the time, and really I am a happy person.
10. By the end of this year a decision will have been made if The Son is going to be a one and only or not. I will either be scheduling a vasectomy for someone, or pregnant, or actively trying. Not sure which one yet, but one of the three.
11. We have way more books than we have room for, and yet instead of getting rid of some, we are planning on more book shelves.
12. I have a huge green wall in my living room and want to have some of my photography printed on canvas and make a cool gallery wall.
13. I have no idea how to transition The Son from pull-ups to normal underwear for nighttime.
14. Cold Sassy Tree is in my top three favorite books of all time.
15. I forget to bring my bible to church EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY.
16. I like old fashioned names. Like Martha, Josiah, Ezra, Ruth and Elijah (although that one is getting trendy).
17. I disliked that my name was so popular, but I love the name itself and the history behind it.
18. I played in a germy ball pit today. I had fun and found a token.
19. I left my mascara in the huckablazer last week and it froze and broke the wand. I have not yet replaced it and so I have gone sans makeup ALL WEEK.
20. Are you my Mother is my favorite kids book. Today anyway, tomorrow it will probably be Green Eggs and Ham again.
21. I worry about the fact that my grandma keeps losing things from her apartment–for many reasons, but one of which is that some of that stuff will one day be mine. How horrible is that!?
22. When I was thirteen I got head lice from sharing a brush with a girl at school. My hair was super long and it took MONTHS to get rid of.
23. I have gone from anti-facebook to facebook addict in three months.
24. What I want more than anything else for my birthday is a clean house. I mean really, really the pope could come over clean.
25. I have marked off one of my new year’s to-do list items already. We have a lovely guest room again and not a storage hole.
26. You can see the rocket on google earth.
27. I buy trendy shoes and then only wear my comfy flats.
28. I swear by consignment shopping. MOST of my clothes and ALMOST ALL of The Son’s clothing comes from consignment sales. And you never would have known if I did not tell you.
29. I need five pillows to sleep. Two for my head, one on each side, and one for my feet.
30. I would like you to donate to this for my birthday present. It is an amazing organization, and all monies go to aid-not proselytizing. I promise.
Warning: whiny, self absorbed drivel can be found below.
Sigh. S I G H. January sucks, ya’ll. Christmas is all put away. It is too early to think about Valentine’s Day. Birthdays are kinda boring now that I am a grown up and all. It has been super cold. I am bored with entertaining my kid 24/7. Nothing exciting is going on, and the truth is that I feel sort of sad. Do you think I have this?
I was going to try to start weaning off of the Lexapro again this month, but I think I need my full dose right now. Plus some chocolate and a day in the sunshine.
I was thinking today that I wished I was just super irresponsible and got a credit card and charged an awesome midwinter tropical vacation. Unfortunately even if I were that capricious (hey, I am a Capricorn! TANGENT! Look at the traits for a Capricorn, responsible, ambitious, resourceful, dictatorial, outgoing, distrusting, very loyal. As a rule I think horoscopes are a bunch of BS, but man is that ever me.), I am married to the most circumspect person on the planet and so that would NEVER happen. Cash or not at all for us Huckablogs.
I have no idea where this post is going. You think I feel bad about leaving my twenties? I don’t THINK so, it is as my dad would say, better than the alternative. I do wish that I did not have more grey hair than my mother and MMIL combined. Come on guys, give me pep talk or something to get me out of the funk.
Filed under lexapro lexplains it | Comments (9)