Drumroll please.

And the winners of the first maybe annual huckablubber off are………ShoeShe wins first and JHJ comes in second.  Congratulations!! Your Zune and gift card are on their way to you.  Keep up the good work everyone else, just cause the contest is over does not mean that you can go back to eating Fritos for breakfast.

Huckablubber: week (HOLY CRAP) six of six

That’s all folks!  It is over! Well, sorta. I have had a very impassioned request to let people post their results tomorrow because they only have Internet at work.  Good point.  So you now have until 5pm CST TOMORROW (Monday) ((July 14th)) to email me the total amount of pounds you have lost in the past six weeks.  That gives you the chance for a couple of more workouts, and a salad for dinner.

I will be chasing around a herd of elementary schoolers and eating whatever they eat at Vacation Bible School 2008 - Welcome to the E.R.

Huckablubber Update: week four of six

Eh. Why is this so hard? Why do I have no self control when it comes to eating healthy and exercise? I am not an idiot. I know that if you eat crap you will be fat and sick. I understand that if you never get up off of your ass you will be tired and stiff. I still choose ice cream over veggies. I still pick a nap instead of a walk. I want to win a Zune! But I won’t. Because I make unhealthy choices.

I thought, “Hey, Hey You, if you publish your intentions on the internet, then you will have a ton of people holding you accountable.” It does not work if your support system brings you ice cream, or makes you banana pudding, or wants to take a nap with you, or comes to visit and brings a ginormas bowl of cookies. Why does my social circle always revolve around food? Why do we invite each other over for dinner instead of something else? Is it everyone? Or are there people out there that do not focus around food the way we do?

I guess this is the week of our contest that finds me feeling dejected. Dejected and lazy. Dejected and lazy and fat. Does anyone have a pep talk for me? Is everyone feeling this way? Maybe I should just go finish off the Phish Food.

Two weeks to go.

Huckablubber Update: week 3 of 6

How’s it going my chubby pals? Is everyone staying on track? Yeah…me either. Today I ate out three times. But on the plus side, I only ate three times. That is good right? No snacking? Anyway, my exercise has been consisting of a lot of swimming, walking, and um, pilates. Has anyone started to notice a difference? I have in one pair of jeans and maybe a couple of bras, but that is all. It did not help when ShoeShe brought cookie/brownie/muffin thingies with her. She looks fab by the way. She has been much better than me obviously. She even ordered a garden egg globy wrap for breakfast. I tried to toss candy in her mouth while she slept, but it did not work.

We have a prize nailed down! First prize is a Microsoft Zune MP3 player. It is to be used for inspiration while working out only. If I find out the winner is just ENJOYING it, than I take it back. Second prize is a Subway gift card of not yet determined denomination. So, get cracking!

This is your last chance to join us, so if you do not either email me or say so in the comments, you will not be eligible. Of course if you have agreed already, than you are fine.
Keep up the good work!

So you may know already, but Chocolate in all forms is my weakness. Here is a recipe for some Low-fat, low-cal brownies. The Son and I are going to try to make these this week, we will let you know how they turn out.

1/2 C flour
1/3 C cocoa
1/4 tap. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt

4 oz jar of baby food prunes
2/3 C sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs or equivalent of non-fat egg substitute

Makes 12 Brownies

Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray an 8 inch square baking pan with cooking spray.

Mix flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt together.

Beat remaining ingredients together, then blend in dry ingredients just until mixed. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 20-25 minutes or until the edges look dry and start to pull away from the pan.

Proper alignment of your whine.

In an effort to do more to win thehuckablubber off than contract various breeds of intestinal parasites, I went to the gym tonight. Right next to the gym daycare there was a classroom marked Pilates, 5:45. Seeing as how it was 5:46, and I was so not feeling the elliptical, I took off my shoes, grabbed a mat, and sat down. Upon glancing around, I got THAT feeling. You know the one, or lucky you, maybe not, but that feeling of knowing you weigh about fifty pounds more than anyone in the room. Yikes. So then I looked up at the front of the room and saw written on the white board: ADVANCED Pilates, Monday 5:45. Oh shi–cough, cough, shoot. I totally said shoot. I actually stood up to leave because I was thinking that my prenatal pilates video I half-heartedly did two years ago did not make me ADVANCED. The instructor asked where I was going, and I explained that I was not ready for ADVANCED, “Oh don’t worry Sugar! You will be just fine! It is mostly just stretching and deep breathing.” I stayed.

It started with some gentle stretching and the expected inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale in tune to Enya. It progressed to some high leg lifts, and pointy toe misery. This is where it started to get really bad. I think this pose was called trussed pig.

This is also about the point that my spine started to whimper. I wondered if I could leave without anyone noticing, but my shoes were against the wall right behind the ever malleable instructor. I soldiered on, and prayed that those creaks and groans my back was making were supposed to happen. Then this happened.

Seriously. Every single other person in their room had their friggen toes touching the friggin mat behind their head! AND THEY WERE NOT EVEN SWEATING!! I was apparently supposed to “gently stack my spine as I rolled over in a fluid motion.” Uh. Yeah. I thought they were going to have to get a wheelchair for me, and when I actually (stupidly) tried this position, my gut, and boobs smashed into my double chin and then fell over. Finally we ended with a position I could do.

When it was over, no one could look me in the eye. Or at least I don’t think so, the flashes of light I was seeing from my blinding pain, MAY have kept me from noticing. Next week, I try pilates for the elderly and arthritic instead. Twenty-eight counts as elderly right?

Huckablubber update: Week two of six

How is going this week people? I have finally kicked this stomach bug, I got my self nice a dehydrated from all of the ….well you get the idea. After I got all re-hydrated, I gained back two of the seven total pounds I lost while sick. I confess, I have not gone to the gym. Yes, we do pay for it regardless, and yes it is a huge waste of money on weeks like these. I just did not quite feel up to it-but tomorrow! I swear! I have gone on several long walks, and pushing The Son in his car, or holding the dog’s leash is quite a workout. I have also been taking him to his swim class, which is much more work for me than him.

As far as food goes..well for the first part of this week it has still been whatever I could keep down, and I think it made my stomach shrink, because I just have not been all that hungry. Yesterday was the first day I felt like eating, but again, I do not want to win by pretending to be an Olsen. The Husband is either incredibly sweet or he is sabotaging me, because he keeps asking what I want to eat. What sounds good? Do you want me to buy you some ice cream? Gah, that is how I got in this problem to start with.

Anybody have any tips for us this week? Any inspirational stories? Great low-cal recipes? Anything but how to lose weight through eColi. Oh, and I think we have our super awesome cool prize nailed down, I will hopefully announce it during next week’s update.

Speaking of updates, we are still working on getting all of the pictures over from the old site, sorry about that! And what do we think of all of the lovely ads over to the left? Are you bored? Click on the ads on theHuckablog! Sad? Click on the ads at theHuckablog! Can’t sleep? Ads! Marriage problems? Ads! Worried about the election? Ads! Anyway, for everytime someone clicks on an ad from here, whole half-cents will come rolling into my pockets. I will have that pack of gum paid off in no time.

Huckablubber update: week one of six

Guess what. I have lost five pounds this week! Guess what else. I have not been to the gym once. One more, guess how! FoodpoisoneColirotoviruscholera! Oooooh. If I could put it in a pill I would be a bazillionaire. This is not what I had in mind when I started this contest. Please do not use Mary-Kate practices to win. The prize is good, but not that good.

Also, I hear through the grape vine that some of you were mighty disappointed with my big announcement. Seems they wanted another kind of announcement…the kind that makes me get fatter instead of thinner. Although, it also includes gratuitous vomiting. Yeah, sorry about that. Have I mentioned that we do not have HEALTH INSURANCE right now? So, you can pretty much keep on dreaming for that announcement anytime soon.

Post how you have been doing so far in the Huckablubber off. Have you lost any weight? Do you feel better? What have you done to win this week?

Ready, Set, GO! Day One of TheHuckablubber off.

I promised you a BIG announcement, and here it is. Ready? My darling friends, family, and readers whom I have never met, we are all too fat. Really, I hope that does not hurt feelings, or insult you. There may be a few readers who could even stand to gain a couple of pounds, but to be honest, they are far out numbered by those of us whose doctors would classify as overweight, or even obese.

I really do not consider myself to be an overly vain person, I spend way more money on books, movies, and of course eating out than I do on make-up, and yes even shoes. However, I am becoming THAT kind of mom on the playground.

You see since The Son has been born, I have spent a lot of time on playgrounds, the zoo, story times, and various classes for tots. There are two distinct categories of moms. There is the young, hip, mom who looks great and put together, she has tons of energy, and is always actively engaged with her children. In her wake there is a bottle of water and a baggie of carrot sticks. You can tell her tennis shoes are for more than just the park.

Then there is the frumpomom. She is wearing baggy clothes that are out of style, maybe stained, and have a high probability to also be sleepwear. She always has on a hat, or has dull hair, and she is sitting on the bench watching, looking as her kid’s lives pass her by, while she sits on her ever expanding ass sipping her Big Gulp and wondering if it is time for a nap yet. Her kids are usually begging for attention from her, or someone else, and unfortunately, they usually look like they would be more at home on the couch than on the slides, their little bellies poking out of their Spongebob tees.

Right now I do not really fit in with either set. I am the Mom in a dress that she could have worn to a casual office, or jeans and a top, and am wearing skimmers, or flats. My hair is knotted up with a hair tie and bobbypins. I have on make-up (basics only: concealer, mascara, gloss) half the time, and always have on earrings at least. But my shape puts me firmly in the frump category. I have the same belly, butt, and saggy boobs as the ladies on the bench. I am fine being my own subgroup in the playground kingdom, but I am not okay being one of the out of breath moms, one of the moms setting a bad example, one of the moms who is teaching her kids to be fat too.

It is time to stop this my chubby readers. For the next SIX WEEKS (that is from right now until July 13, we will say post your results by noon on 7/14) we will be having a get healthy competition. Every so often I will post how we are doing here at thehuckablog world headquarters, and invite you to tell us how you are faring. We will also invite any advice or stories about why you want to participate. This is a pound for pound weight loss competion, so just deal with it you “body weight percentage only” naysayers . That just takes too much math for me. The winner will get an awesome prize that I cannot announce just yet, but will soon (still looking for maybe a *gasp* corporate sponsor). This is going to be on the honor system (because I trust you!), but I do hope you can have a buddy in your area to keep you on track (like TheHusband for me, Tark for Cat and so on).

I hope this inspires us all to spend this summer getting healthier. I will tell you right now that my goal is to drop at least two sizes, I could care less what the scale says, as long as I feel good, and my clothes (and lungs) put me back in the hip category. I do not want to look back and see that all of my favorite pictures of The Son and I only include a tiny piece of my head. And right now, they all have half a face at best. So are you in? Come on, all the cool kids are doing it. Good! Now READY, SET, (put down that cookie, okay that is better.) GO!!

ATTENTION! BIG ANNOUNCEMENT COMING SOON!!

On June first there will be a HUGE announcement made here at TheHuckablog! Big, I tell you! So as early as you can check in and get ready to have your life changed. Huge! Yeah. So get up, check the blog,  then get ready and go to church, have a nice brunch with your family, and then check back to see who all has been here. Or you know, whatever.