The Weaning Plan.

We have made the family decision it is time for The Son to be weaned.  Two of the three of us are fine with it, but the third is not so sure.

I have been cutting off my little “Nur-nur” addict s l o w l y and it is just plain time to be done already.   The original plan was to do Child Led Weaning, which means he chooses when he is done, but y’all, I know my kid and I seriously think he would nurse until middle school if I let him!

Here is the new plan.  We are pretty much down to two or three (okay three to four) nursing sessions a day and they (with exception of nap- I will do whatever it takes for him to nap) are only about two minutes long. This month we are going to cut out two full sessions, and get any others to less than a minute.

On Monday we went to Hobby Lobby and I let him pick out several scrapbook papers, then we bought a pair of safety scissors (only big boys get to use scissors) and worked together to make a paper chain–one link for each day until he is a “big boy”. We hung it up in our living room and remove a link a day. We also have let him help pick out a “big boy” bed, and are going to do some re-arranging in his room.

We talk everyday about all the cool things a big boy gets to do and how he will be a big boy when he stops nursing.  We have had a few instances of, “but I want to be a baby” but so far the elusive joys of big boydom seem to be winning.   On August 29 we are having a weaning party (NOT a birthday party even though it is just two days before he turns three) we will all congratulate him on being a big boy, will set up his new bed, will have over his friends (um, at least the children of my sweet hippie friends who are cool with coming to a weaning party) and will have yummy homemade ice cream (made with rice milk for previously mentioned hippie friends).

What do you think internet?  Anything else I can do to make this a gentle transistion for him?  Anyone ever been to a weaning party and have suggestions of what we need to do? If you are near home town and are cool with what we are doing, you should totally come! (8/29, 10:30 am)  Anyone appalled he is not weaned yet? Eh, get over it, nursing has been one of the best experiences of my life–has changed my life, and the way I think about my body.  But, I am ready to see what comes next.

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Hupdates

1.   Ma had her surgery on Friday here in hometown, she is recovering nicely and my Mom is taking great care of her.   She will be driven home, to a house with electricity, tomorrow-ish.

2.   I am assuming this is not insider information, if it is– read fast because I will take this one off.    My Dad got laid off after working there since I was a sophomore in high-school.   I was concerned by this because every other time he has ever changed jobs it has meant a major move….and I want my family close!  Also, I so am not ready to be responsible for my grandparents.   Dad has already been contacted about some contract work and did get a decent severance package, so maybe he will just be able to be semi-retired and not much will change.

3.   JHJ also got laid off and is coming home.  I am thrilled because I have missed my brother, but sad that he does not really want to be here.  Vegas it is not.

4.   Someone has taught The Son to say “I want a sister.”  and I am not amused

5.   Someone (Gabs) also taught him to say “SHUT UP” and “That is STUPID”.   I am pissed.

6.   I have had this um…medical thing.  This girly medical thing that really made me (and a doctor) think that maybe I had miscarriage–and not have realized that I was even pregnant.  I have had two ultrasounds and about a gallon of blood work done and it has been determined that I was not pregnant (which Hallelujah because I was going to be all WTF Trojan!)  and have just had some um.. issues.   To solve this problem I have been given hormones.  Because I needed help on my journey to crazy town.    Hormones seem to be helping and it looks like I am going to be able to avoid a D&C.   p.s.  this has not been caused by extended breastfeeding.  No it has not.  I said NO.  Okay, maybe a little, BUT my OB said that she wishes that every one of her patients could nurse until their baby was 32 months, so *pfffzt*extended nursing for the win.

7.  I have had lots of inquires about The Husband since his accident.  He is still in physical therapy, and his shoulder still hurts some, but his rib seems to be all better.  We have not yet settled with the insurance company for his personal injury claim, we are waiting for him to be well so we know how much to settle for first.  Little work car is up and running, but looks flat out ghetto.   Oh, well, it is paid off and the money the insurance company gave us for it paid The Husband’s tuition.

8.   That’s all I’ve got people.  So, what has been going on with you?

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Why I cannot stand Gary Tygert Pennington

I was sitting in the Huckablazer, waiting on The Husband to return the rental car,while The Son was carrying on a very detailed conversation with a rubber dinosaur and a plastic comb.  Bored, I began to idly flip through the February edition of Parents magazine (I get this free, and would never pay for this vapid excuse for parenting advice ((please do not email me about how you love Parents and it saved your life, blah, blah, blah. I just think it is highly overrated.)) when I saw this:

Well the print version anyway, this is from Similac’s website.

You probably already know how I feel about formula in general; but really, could someone please tell me what Ty Pennington has to do with baby formula?  Nothing.  He just is greedy and takes any endorsement deal he can get. I am adding this to the official, “Why I can’t stand Gary Tygert Pennington” list.  I can just tell that you are dying  to know the rest of the list.  No?  Well sorry, this is all I have for you today.

1. Look at him:

This guy is 44 years old.  He has a not quite soul patch, not quite chinapillar.   He has said he goes to a spray tanning booth when he is not shooting, his hair…well, just look at it!  He is 44! I do like this jacket though, for me not The Husband.

2.  I met him once and he was a total egomaniac.  He was going from desk to desk signing autographs at our office.  I just shook his hand, and he seemed surprised I did not want him to sign my cell phone.   I was surprised because he was much shorter than he looked on TV, and his girlfriend just followed him around handing him sharpies, not talking and had an identical haircut.

3.  Speaking of his girlfriend, he cheated on Drea Bock, his girlfriend/manager of 11 years, with a stripper.  Ew.  I guess next he will be endorsing herpes medication.

4.  Even though he is more than capable of hiring a cab, he was arrested and convicted of DUI.  He apologized and Disney (who owns ABC, Extreme Home Makeover, and Ty) glossed over the whole affair.

5.  He is an endorsement whore.  Besides being Similac’s spokesperson (even though he has no kids! Nor any medical background to compare formula to breastmilk! Or a uterus!),he has also endorsed the ADHD medication Adderal (which he also takes ((which, by the way,  should not be mixed with alcohol)), the now defunct Furniture Unlimited, cell phones, Bayer aspirin, and of course Sears.  There may be more, but these are the only ones I could find.

6.  As we saw many times on Trading Spaces, and now on Extreme Home Makeover, his taste is marginal at best.  Look at his bedding line if you doubt me.  Do you know what he calls his “style” ( I am using that term loosely obviously)? Creativi-TY and sTYle.  Gag.

7.  He gets published when there are so many awesome writers who have to try for years to be read by a publisher.   He has written three books and now has a quarterly magazine.  How can you write that much about platform beds and mdf?

8. He is tacky.  He was asked to tone down all of the double entendres in a caulking chapter, and every book has a picture of him nude in the shower.

9.  Lastly, and this is more a negative of ABC than Ty, but he should know better, an Extreme Home Makeover makeover will add thousands of dollars in new taxes to the new homes they build—which, in all likelihood, the owners can’t afford.  They capitalize on an easy tear jerker, without considering the social consequences of erecting a Mcmansion that often towers over every other house on the block.   Extreme Home Makeover and Ty Pennington offer the shallow American dream,  leather sectionals, stainless appliances, whirlpools and half a dozen flat-screen TVs—all thoughtfully provided by the show’s sponsors.  They think this will bring happiness, no matter the affliction.

In other words, I would pick  Nate Berkus any day of the week  (even if he is Oprah’s lapdog).  For those of you who need more heterosexual and rugged eye candy than Nate can provide, might I suggest Mike Rowe?  (disclaimer:  I, myself,  like the more geeky, intelligent, cuddly sort, think The Husband) Mike is hard working, well read, and, when clean, down right yummy.

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Arbor Day(ish)

I have no idea when Arbor Day is.  I am starting to think different towns celebrate it on different days.  Our town had a little celebration at our favorite park on Saturday.  It had all the makings of a great morning.  It was free.  There were balloons.  There were bounce houses. There were tree adoptions, but best of all there was an impromptu play date.

These balloons are tied on to the tree I got for FREE just because the kids were playing long after everyone else left.  This was the left over.  I took it because it was FREE, but had no idea what I was going to do with it.   Something possessed me to offer it to Nanny, The Husband’s maternal grandmother.  Nanny lost her husband in December and when I offered the tree her eyes welled up with tears and she said, ” I am going to plant it on James’ grave.”  I am so glad it has found a good home.

The Son loves bounce houses.  He will spend hours on one, jumping, jumping, jumping.  I am fine with this because a bounce house always insures a good nap.

This is R.  She is the daughter of one of my LLL friends J.  I run into J and her kids all the time; I think it is because we have the same ideas on how to spend our time.  Free is good.  Trees are good.  Hey You and J will both be there.

J has gorgeous children.  Tonight, at LLL, J told me that R has “sassatude.”  Maybe, but she sure is a cool kid to be around.

It could be because she has such a cool mom.  J will be having gorgeous child number three any time now.

It was a nice morning.

The boys shed their shirts and played on a huge old tree stump, they had more fun there than on the bounce house.

It does look pretty cool.

It was full of compost because the stump had started to decay.

This is J’s second born G.  This was his second birthday.  J and I started at LLL at the same time when these boys were 4 and 2 months old.  Sigh.

They are growing up too fast!  But isn’t this child just spectacular?   He is sweet too.

I hope you enjoy pictures because this whole expecting words from me everyday is darn hard!  Sometimes I just have nothing to say.  I know, I didn’t believe it either.

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Not a post on their own, but if you smoosh them all together? YES!…The sequel

-We found a black widow and her egg nest underneath the seat of The Son’s pedal car today. Needless to say, I spent a good hour tonight googling pictures of black widow bites and their symptoms. Since he is seizure free and no limbs have fallen off, I think we are in the clear.

-Remember that tick I found on my breast? (Breast sounds so clinical, but I really don’t like boob, we usually call them Nur-Nurs around these parts.) I found ANOTHER ONE. I am pretty sure this means either a. My breasts spend to much time outside or b….. actually there is no b, a is the right answer. I have breastfed more than my fair share in the great-outdoors. I think only women who live in mud huts and wear sarongs everyday have me beat at this point.

-Every time I tell The Son that big boys drink from cups, not Nur-Nurs, he grabs my hand and says “Nap-nap, Mama. I sleepy.” Can you tell nap time is one of the three times a day he still gets to nurse?

-We went camping about ten minutes away from our house this weekend. We came home and watched The Incredibles, took Benadryl and had naps yesterday morning, and then resumed our regularly scheduled camping experience. Shoeshe went with us on Friday night, and you know what she negated to tell me before she said she wanted to come? She has NEVER BEEN CAMPING!! (that gets one more exclamation point because we live in a gorgeous state, perfect for doing outside stuff)! She also did not bring a sleeping bag. When I tried to give her one of ours she refused….she slept on the cold, hard ground with a wee little mat and a blanket. I am assuming she will run screaming the next time someone offers to take her camping.

-We sing songs around campfires. I know, I know that sounds corny….and it probably is, but I do not care, I love it. Friday night Shoeshe had her guitar and played, and The Son and my Grandpa sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star together, and then my Grandpa sang You are My Sunshine to my Grandma. I hope I never, ever forget those moments. (Remind me to tell you sometime about when my other grandparents renewed their vows on their fiftieth anniversary.) Last night we were roasting marshmallows (smarmallohs to The Son), my mom started singing and The Son said, “No Grammy, onwe ((only)) Swoesee ((Shoeshe)) sing. I want Swoesee.” Aww. He loves her. (could be all the presents)

-Shoeshe left some guitar thingy and a book at the campsite. Whenever she comes to visit, The Husband and I play this little game called, “What will Shoshe leave us this time?” She just got back her camera and a bag of jewelry from the last visit. I am hoping next time she leaves that sweet (insert our Alma mater here) sweatshirt she was wearing.

-The Son has had a black eye this week (it came from an overly enthusiastic hug from a stick wielding, almost two year old buddy). Today before we put him in the tub to wash away the woodsmoke/bug spray/marshmallow odors and the playground dirt held on with pancake syrup and layered over dried leaf bits held on by more marshmallows he looked ready to pose for a neglected child poster. He even had on a droopy pull up and one sock. I did not take a picture, and it was only cute because he has never looked like that before.

-An extremely heavily edited version of this was published here. They left out the parts about The Husband, and I hate that because he should get every accolade possible heaped upon him for his superb daddy skills. It is still super cool to have something I wrote published in a real live magazine. They sent me several copies, so if anyone wants one, let me know and I will mail it to ya…..it is a real magazine, but they don’t exactly sell it at Wal-mart.

-We are going away (I know, are we EVER at home anymore?) at the end of this week with the elder (edited: but not old) Huckablogs, so this and maybe only one or two more posts will be all you get this week. How about you do this to keep yourself occupied, and email the results (heyyou at thehuckablog dot com) for a future post.

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The only thing these places have in common is they both empty wallets.

The Son had his two year old well child check up this morning. He is perfectly perfect. His weight is in the 60th percentile and his height is in the 20th, the same percentages as he has had since he was three months old. I expect he will stay around there since he has shortish, chubbyish, parents. He decided to show off his verbal skills for both the nurse and the doctor ( “Pwease nurse? The Son have a Thomas Sticker, Pwease?”, “My ears not hurt. You no look in dem.”), and they told me what I already know, his speech is way ahead of the curve. What did we get a big fat FAIL on? His sleeping habits.

The kid STILL wakes up at least once a night, walks into our room, climbs into our bed, and latches on to the first breast he can find. Sometimes The Husband or I will put him back in his bed when he falls asleep in ours……or not. Often he will just stay in our bed for the rest of the night nursing at the all night Mama buffet. This, according to my pediatrician any way, is completely unacceptable for a two year old. Now I know that I have LLL friends and MDC friends who would say the Pediatrician has been brainwashed by cold science and that children have been co-sleeping and night nursing for millennia…and while I agree it is okay for some families…it is becoming a problem for us. I want to go to sleep and stay asleep. I do not want little fingers poking me in the eye at three AM or little teeth scraping my nipple as he loses his latch in the middle of the night. While I seriously doubt I will go against all of my AP philosphies, we are getting ready to stop night nursing–cold turkey. THERE WILL BE NO NURSING FROM 9 PM TO 6AM. There I proclaimed it to the internet, so now we have to stick with it.

After I got chewed out for my hippie ways, The Son had to get a Hep-A booster. (see? I get him vaccinated! He is circumcised too! And we used Pampers! I am not that crunchy!—Oh wait. Hippie friends? Do you still love me? I still use my sling! I try to avoid all food dyes. We only use positive reinforcement. He is still nursing at two for crying out loud! Obviously I do not fit in with either camp of the mommy wars. Oh, well.) Where was I? Oh yeah. The Son got a shot. He did not want to sit on my lap, so he just sat in a chair and I held his hands while the nurse jabbed him. He was more pissed off and surprised than hurt. He did not cry for more than a second, but when the nurse left and then came back to hand me a packet on “healthy sleep habits” he shouted when she was in the doorway, pointing at her he said. “NO! YOU STAY!” “NOOOO! STAY!”. I asked him if anything would make him feel better (expecting him to want to nurse), and he said, “I need Pancakecakes, Mama. Pwease?” We went to IHOP of course.

After his pancake with yogurt on top (um, ewww.) and a reaaaally long nap, we did what everyone else does on a perfect early fall evening. Another fall night, another county fair. This time it was in our own hometown. I am a member of a philanthropic organization that gets partial proceeds from the paid parking…if I go risk my life by standing amongst all of the compensating for something big trucks and breathing the second hand smoke wafting from open car windows as people hand me their three dollars that have been who knows where. Things I have learned? Teeth are rarer than I once thought in our lovely community, and certain people have different standards of child car seat safety than I do. I do not find letting your toddler balance on your twelve pack of Coors in the front seat of your pickup to be particularly safe, but they pay me three bucks to point to a vacant lot with a flashlight, not gesticulate on the security of their children.

The Son got to have another fabulous fair experience, this time with his other grandparents (his Grammy and Grandpa. Not the ones in their eighties, they only take him on the super fun Buick ride–that is a joke–the Buick ride with Grandma is the scariest one of all ((Lord, please do not let them be reading my blog. Amen.)). This time The Son rode the huge Ferris Wheel (he is definitely NOT afraid of heights), a firetruck, a race car, the dragon coaster, the flying lizards, the wiggle worm, a carousel, and the spin-till-you-regurgitate apples. My mom and I rode that one with him, and it was basically Disney teacups, only enclosed in a fiberglass apple. I guess to keep vomit from hitting other patrons? All of us managed to keep down our meatloaf, but we were pretty wobbly as we stepped onto the rickety stairs.

The last ride of the night was a return trip to the rotating firetrucks, and while all of the seat belts I strapped on The Son seemed to be in pretty good shape, when the overly cheerful Carney handed The Son back to me, I could smell the liquor halo around him. I guess now we know why Mr. Carney was so friendly, Everclear! Is it considered drunk driving if all you have to do is pull a lever? The Son was the one behind the wheel after all.

That pretty much ended our rides for the evening, we sauntered over to the fishing hole (side note: Hey JHJ, were we EVER allowed to play these games? I don’t think so. My theory is because the prizes are so horrific and Mom and Dad only enjoy paying for The Son to play because they know those prizes are coming to my house.), The Son caught a rubber shark that had been dyed blue because of all the food coloring in the water. His prize “catch” earned him (at least I think, the lady carney running the booth spoke zero English, she kinda gestured at us so we grabbed a prize and left. Maybe we stole it?) a plastic trumpet. (HOOOONNKKASQUUUEEEEAK!) Oh let me tell you the joy I felt about that. On the way home, I shoved a piece of cotton candy in the end (google says it is called the bell) to keep it quiet, but all that did was earn me a piece of damp cotton candy in my hair when he blew really hard. (PhffffffftSPLATSQUEEEEEAKAHOONK!)

I guess it was pay back for telling him he can’t nurse at night anymore.

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Hupdates: the excuses post.

Thanks for hanging with me through my light posting this past week, ready for a secret? I am slowly weaning myself off of Lexapro. I have been on it for 15 months now, and most of the things that were causing my anxiety have passed. I hate taking drugs, and they do have some side effects that I could live without, so I am going to come of off Lexapro over a two month period. I hope to be fully drug free by The Son’s 2nd birthday.

Since I have now had two separate episodes of serious depression/anxiety ( the other was when I was in Grad school when we lost three relatives in a four month period), according to my doctors I will probably have another one at some point. If I do, then they will recommend that I am on some kind of SSRI for the rest of my life. I will just cross that bridge when I come to it. If I come to it.

You want to know what some of the super cool side effects of coming off of this drug is? Sure you do. No? Well I am telling you anyway.

• General malaise
• Chronic lethargy
• Crying spells
• Dizziness accompanied with “electric brain zaps”. (By far, the most persistent symptom for me)
• Irritability and unreasonable aggression
• stomach upset

It is pretty hard to look at the computer when the room is spinning. I hope that my body will adjust quickly, but it may be a rough couple of months. If you are a praying kind of person, then feel free to add me somewhere towards…oh, let’s say the middle of your list.

Also, The Son and I have crammed in as many hours with my Ma (maternal Grandma) and cousin Gabby as possible while they were visiting this week from KY (the state, not the jelly). Gabs, The Husband and I took The Son to a water park on Wednesday, and had so much fun. I brought my camera and never even took it out of my bag. I tried my hardest not to think about all of the germs running around rampant, or that we were walking barefoot in a puddle of candida infested sludge in the locker area. In the land of a thousand tears (aka the Toddler Zone) I turned a blind eye to the sagging swim diapers of thirty rude children. The Son loved it, and was having a grand ole time til his daddy scooped him up and stomped off after having watched our baby get shoved for about the twelfth time. He cried, but a float in the Lazy Cesspool cured him. Half way around he decided he needed to Nur-Nur. I tried to assuage him, but he would not be pacified. So I popped out a breast and nursed floating by dozens of teenagers. The Husband was mortified. I was….kinda proud of myself, and kinda wishing he was weaned. I do not think any one noticed, but they could have.

On the fourth we went to my parents house (all the way down the street) and were joined by my grandparents, Ma and Gabs, and MMiL and FFiL! We feasted on baby back ribs, fresh corn, baked beans, seven layer salad, fresh bread, home-made ice cream, blackberry cobbler, fresh peach shortcake and gallons of sweet tea. We then all rolled ourselves up the hill to the country club to watch fireworks, and see the people behind us sit in a sprinkler zone! All in all, a lovely day. All that was missing were our baby brothers. The Husband and I agree that sometimes it sucks to be the oldest.

I have switched the ads so that they have to be approved by me before they are published on the site, hopefully that will get rid of the mail order wife ads.  I am sorry if you were hoping to find an Asian subservient bride here, you will just have to try somewhere else.

One last update. It is in regards to my son’s toilet habits, so if that kind of thing does not interest you, then move along. He has used the potty 100 times! He received a special truck (instead of a car) sticker, and then got a Hot Wheels truck thingy (the name painted on the side of the truck? Big Dump. Make your own joke). The three of us shouted and clapped and danced around the five square foot bathroom. Being a parent rocks. Who needs Lexapro.

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