The truth and nothing but the truth.
1. I scratched the windshield of thehuckablazer this morning by trying to de-ice it with an ice-cream scoop since I have no scraper thingy. It is the south people! TRUE. I need an ice scraper MAYBE three or four times a year. We do own a fancy scraper (with a big brush on the back and everything!) but it was buried in the garage and the three year old was already strapped in the huckablazer, and late for preschool. At the time I congratulated myself for my ingenuity. Whoopsy.
2. I not only wore my fuzzy warm jammie bottoms to preschool drop off but, to pick-up as well. And also for the rest of the day. TRUE. Three days. I spent three days only leaving the house for drive-throughs and drop offs and such, and um only wearing things bought originally for sleepwear. It was COLD! And I never get cold, so you know it was really, really cold.
3. All my child ingested today was Cheetos, water, and a hungry hungry hippo marble. FALSE. First of all, he has not put toys in his mouth for about a year now. Secondly–as a rule he only gets junk food if he has had something semi healthyish first. If I remember correctly, that day he had whole wheat toast with sugar free jam for breakfast, sliced chicken breast and cheese roll ups, fruit, pizza, milk, water, and yes–Cheetos.
4. The Son fell asleep during his stories tonight. The Husband and I finished the book. TRUE. See below. No nap. He was wiped out and fell asleep mid-story–and it was a good story! Just to make sure he was really out, and because The Husband wanted to see what happened, we finished the book.
5. One person in this house took a nap today. It was not the three year old. TRUE. It was me. I fell asleep and the kiddo sat next to me “reading” for a good forty-five minutes.
That was fun! Now you tell me your truths and lies!
PS. JHJ! For crying out loud. I am TRYING to give you a PRESENT! Not a jab in the eye! Here is a hint. It has to do with Belgian Surrealism.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies | Comments (6)Four truths and one lie.
1. I scratched the windshield of thehuckablazer this morning by trying to de-ice it with an ice-cream scoop since I have no scraper thingy. It is the south people!
2. I not only wore my fuzzy warm jammie bottoms to preschool drop off but, to pick-up as well. And also for the rest of the day.
3. All my child ingested today was Cheetos, water, and a hungry hungry hippo marble.
4. The Son fell asleep during his stories tonight. The Husband and I finished the book.
5. One person in this house took a nap today. It was not the three year old.
Post your comment, and I will tell you the truth soon.
Oh, and JHJ! You had better answer your phone if you want your super cool Christmas present that finally arrived from Hong Kong!
Filed under Boy is my face red | Comments (5)Now presenting the reason I am not a poet! ‘Twas Two Weeks Before Christmas
and each of The Huckablogs were anticipating its arrival,
when just a few days before they’d worried about their survival.
They all had been sick; yet they festively pressed on,
determined to decorate everything from the den to the lawn.
Even with bronchitis The Husband strung the lights
While I was out on the drive making sure they looked right.
The LED’s, how they twinkled, as we strived to go green.
They used much less power yet cast a bright sheen.
With little talent for sewing, but a project most grand,
I prayed as I sewed I’d not lose my right hand.
For our church pageant costumes were in demand
for five of the cutest you ever saw lambs.
For hours I cut and I stitched with no sleep
to make woolly vests for five little sheep.
I finished the vests then suddenly recalled–
they’d need sheep ears too…bed was further forestalled.
Four lambs looked pure in their fuzzy white frocks.
While my kid? He was the black sheep of the flock.
With his ears sewn on to his winter cap, he did not sing at all
But wandered about and nearly caused candles to fall!
A quick save by a mommy kept him from the flames,
but the situation was so dire I needed Lexapro for my brain.
On came my dad as a king in his gold ribbon crown,
He knew most of his lines and even managed to not frown.
The play was a smash, now for Christmas what’s next?
Some presents would be nice, but not if bought with hot checks!
Some consulting work came through just at the right time,
and now the bank account held slightly more than a dime.
After some planning, I shopped and wrapped by myself,
leaving not one Toy Story trinket on the shelf.
But now it was done, and it was time to enjoy!
First, came a visit from Dr. Ang and her boy,
then came the parties, the parades and the dinners
even those cheesy games which had us as the winners!
This is why I love Christmas, its all of the fun-
The smiles and the hugs, with no more chores to be done!
Of course we had to visit Santa and sit on his lap.
That did not go well, for The Son had no nap.
He pouted, he cried, even stuck out his tongue,
just generally acted like he was really quite young.
Santa was patient and finally coaxed a slight smile,
and even chatted with my stubborn kid for a while.
Sorry dear internet my blog has been boring,
but life must be lived and spare time was spent snoring.
So as the year of 2009 draws to a close,
expect no more posts, of rhymes or of prose.
I will be much too busy celebrating the birth
of God in the flesh as he was here on the Earth.
Merry Christmas from The Huckablog and all of us here,
I promise to post minimal bad rhyming next year.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Poetry | Comments (2)Irrational
You know The Son was born at Pi right? Yup. 3:14 pm. So maybe he is irrational by birth. Maybe it is his age. Maybe it is poor parenting. Maybe aliens kidnapped my sweet baby and brought back a little tyrant. Maybe it is that full moon. Whatever it is –I am this (holding fingers very close together) close to going totally bonkers.
Today (using that term loosely since it is now 1:12 am) he: Threw a fit because I would not let him DRIVE MY TRUCK. Ran away from me in a crowded restaurant. Cried when I made him wear pants outside…in 30 degree weather. Absolutely LOST HIS MIND when I told him he had to wear a hat and gloves to help Daddy hang Christmas lights. Told me I was mean because I would not let him buy the 359$ train set at the hardware store. Steadfastly refused to take a much needed (for me) nap. Had not one, but TWO, potty related accidents–one of which he removed his underwear for so he could pee on the futon in his room and then put back on his Lighting McQueen underoos–the other less than three seconds after his Daddy asked him if he needed to go. Purposely stuck his fingers in his mouth to make himself gag. Screamed at the top of his lungs when the light was turned off for bed.
Someone tell me that whole this too passing thing again?
Filed under Boy is my face red, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (6)Things kids (well really just my kid) say
When on the potty he likes to read a “Magzegnet”.
He handed out tiny pieces of bread to all of his toys and told them each “Jesus loves you.”
“I need to not drink so fast cause my teeth will cough.” (hiccups)
This morning when putting on his boots he got them not quite right, when I told him they were on the wrong feet he replied, “These are my only feet!”
He told me on Thanksgiving that he was thankful his teacher’s hair was so yellow.
“I would like my shadow better if it talked.”
Now tell me what your little guys have said this week, or what you said when you were a kiddo!
Filed under Boy is my face red, NaBloPoMo, The Son | Comments (5)Not approved by the ACLU.
He is three. He goes two mornings a week to a very small, private preschool. We live in the south. Glenn Beck has very high ratings here.
These are not excuses…but come on..this is cute.
I am really, really sorry to any Native American readers. I know your ancestors never wore necklaces made out of froot loops, or vests made out of paper bags. But the cuteness? Surely we agree on that right?
While we are offending people, Hey, Peta? Yeah, they were singing a song about killing Mr. Turkey in a most violent way. The Son thinks the song was about a BOAT and arrow. Not that he sang it. No, he just stood there, and you guessed it. Looked cute.
Filed under Boy is my face red, NaBloPoMo, The Son | Comments (4)Cutastrophe ‘aught nine.
Alternate title: In which I overreact on a huge scale.
He inherited a head full of crazy cowlicks from The Husband’s side of the family, and a thick head full of independent and stubborn hair from mine. Buzz cuts are just not my style, and short, short little boy hair is cute on other little boys….but, I like MY kiddo to have as long of hair as my hubby will allow. If it were just up to me he would be sporting a shaggy skater do.
This kid just needed a teeny, teeny, itsy bit taken off of his bangs. Our usual and most wonderful stylist K had a baby one week exactly before this one. I reasoned that there was no need to drive 25 minutes and bother K just for a teeny little bang trim. Surely anybody who is a licensed stylist could handle that, right?
Wrong. I told her to just trim them to his eyebrows. First snip of the scissors saw three inches of hair on the cape. I literally gasped. Calm down, calm down. It is just a little short. Snip. Snip. Snip. Fourth cut. ACK! FOUR INCHES right off the front. “Your kid is moving! He needs to mind me and hold still.” “I am standing right here! He is holding perfectly still.” “Well, he is making me nervous.” “You are making ME nervous.”
I picked him up, removed his cape, and walked out, not paying, four cuts into the worst hair massacre ever. WAY worse than this. You think I am exaggerating?
And it looked even crazier in real life.
I called K in tears. I felt like I was confessing to cheating on her. She graciously invited us to her home, let me cuddle her babies, and calmed me down.
She is awesome–but she is not God, and cannot magically grow hair, so the end result is still A LOT shorter than this pseudohippy would like, but it is much better.
Lesson learned: if you love who cuts your hair–NEVER EVER go somewhere else, even for a teeny trim. Oh, and also? K said she would have cried too.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Friends-All three of them, NaBloPoMo, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it, stupidity | Comments (6)