Awkward Family Photos
You guys know this site , right? My family has more than it’s fair share of chortle inducing photos–and many of them include a certain birthday boy. He perfected the art of looking annoyed with us pretty early on, but it was just an act. I think. Anyway, nothing says Happy Birthday like cringe worthy posts!
This was taken 1992–I was 12 and JHJ was 9. We were at some sort of educational fort thing. Our vacations were always educational–something that The Hubs and I plan to continue even when we have a surly teenager.
I win the worst outfit award (I have never been to Hawaii, so this outfit was probably from TJ Maxx) , but JHJ gets props for the coordinating blue swim shoes and free hat.
Fast forward to 1999 (I think), I was 19 and JHJ was 16. He is wearing entirely black polyester. In New Mexico. In August. This picture makes me wonder if he was thinking about jumping. Or pushing. I have vivid memories of this day. We were staying in a condo in Santa Fe and then driving for day trips. That morning we knew we were going to be hiking so Dad said JHJ could not wear his black shoes because it was dangerous. Instead he had to wear white tennis shoes. Look closely and you can tell who won. I am wearing Doc Martin sandals (it was 1999, all college students wore docs), extremely practical for hiking. Good thing my dad never notices my feet.
Even with the black polyester, Mom wins the ugly shirt award–embroidered Noah’s ark on anyone older than three is a no win. Sorry Mom.
Happy Birthday Punk.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Family-blame the DNA | Comments (3)Only one title is appropriate here. WTH!
THIRTY! I AM THIRTY! Not Fifty. Get it straight AARP. THIRTY!!!
I am still suspicious of this being a prank and am squarely looking at my dad–but he seemed just so innocent when I questioned him. Does anyone want to confess? JHJ? Shoeshe?
Filed under Boy is my face red, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (3)Overheard in TheHuckablazer with a special bonus.
Scene: Pick-up line at pre-school
Me: Hey sweet boy! How was school?
Him: Hi, Mama! I saw birds today!
Me: Birds?! Oh, did the bird man from the zoo come today?
Him: YES! It was Awesome!
Me: Good! I am glad you liked it. What was your favorite bird?
Him: My favorite bird was the owl. She was beautiful and she pooped on the floor and the man stepped in it and it was so funny and I laughed. Like this! (insert maniacal laughing here.)
Me: That sounds funny! What else did you learn today?
Him: Well, that is pretty much it Mama. Just about owl poop.
Me: Huh. I hope that is on the SATs then.
Him: We are home! Can I have some yellow cheese and a donut with sprinkles?
BONUS! Overheard at the Kroger check-out line.
Her (strange old lady standing behind us): Hi young man! What is your name?
Him (in a cart): —-
Her: Are you shy? How old are you?
Him: —
Her: Why will you not talk to me? I am your friend.
Him: You are strange!
Me: STRANGER! He means you are a STRANGER, not strange, so sorry.
Him: No Mama, I–
Me: HERE, put some candy in your mouth.
Her: Hmmph.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Parenting for Dummies | Comments (4)THIRTY things about this THIRTY year old on her THIRTIETH birthday.
1. I have a recurring dream that I am out having fun with my friends, shopping or dancing or something, and I realize I have forgotten my kid and wake up in a panic wondering where he is. He is usually just actually sleeping in his own bed instead of next to me.
2. There are so many things I love about my husband. One of the main reasons? He is a huge dork like me. We are honest to goodness considering our vacation this year to be a 3000 mile road trip through all of the homes and travels of Laura Ingalls Wilder. (Hey you know who, it goes through Omaha.)
3. I never let my kid win at Memory or Hungry Hungry Hippos.
4. My Christmas stuff was all put away on time this year- except for the sad undecorated tree which is still up and in my living room waiting for a new home at my BiL’s. Next year I will not be spending two days putting the stupid thing together.
5. I remember my fifth birthday party vividly. It was at a McDonald’s. As a rule I pretty much hate McDonald’s now.
6. I get my feelings hurt really easily. I saw a couple of Christmas party pictures on facebook, and my feelings were hurt that I was not invited to the party. INVITE ME PLACES! I am so needy.
7. I am having a crisis of confidence regarding my photography recently.
8. My bedroom was yellow and white when I was a little girl. I did not like it because I wanted pink, but looking back at pictures–it was ADORABLE, especially considering it was the eighties.
9. I don’t think thehuckablog.com is representative of me. It is supposed to be, and is in some ways–but I tend to post when feeling melancholy or upset and never when I am happy and cheerful. I think that you all think I am depressed all the time, and really I am a happy person.
10. By the end of this year a decision will have been made if The Son is going to be a one and only or not. I will either be scheduling a vasectomy for someone, or pregnant, or actively trying. Not sure which one yet, but one of the three.
11. We have way more books than we have room for, and yet instead of getting rid of some, we are planning on more book shelves.
12. I have a huge green wall in my living room and want to have some of my photography printed on canvas and make a cool gallery wall.
13. I have no idea how to transition The Son from pull-ups to normal underwear for nighttime.
14. Cold Sassy Tree is in my top three favorite books of all time.
15. I forget to bring my bible to church EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY.
16. I like old fashioned names. Like Martha, Josiah, Ezra, Ruth and Elijah (although that one is getting trendy).
17. I disliked that my name was so popular, but I love the name itself and the history behind it.
18. I played in a germy ball pit today. I had fun and found a token.
19. I left my mascara in the huckablazer last week and it froze and broke the wand. I have not yet replaced it and so I have gone sans makeup ALL WEEK.
20. Are you my Mother is my favorite kids book. Today anyway, tomorrow it will probably be Green Eggs and Ham again.
21. I worry about the fact that my grandma keeps losing things from her apartment–for many reasons, but one of which is that some of that stuff will one day be mine. How horrible is that!?
22. When I was thirteen I got head lice from sharing a brush with a girl at school. My hair was super long and it took MONTHS to get rid of.
23. I have gone from anti-facebook to facebook addict in three months.
24. What I want more than anything else for my birthday is a clean house. I mean really, really the pope could come over clean.
25. I have marked off one of my new year’s to-do list items already. We have a lovely guest room again and not a storage hole.
26. You can see the rocket on google earth.
27. I buy trendy shoes and then only wear my comfy flats.
28. I swear by consignment shopping. MOST of my clothes and ALMOST ALL of The Son’s clothing comes from consignment sales. And you never would have known if I did not tell you.
29. I need five pillows to sleep. Two for my head, one on each side, and one for my feet.
30. I would like you to donate to this for my birthday present. It is an amazing organization, and all monies go to aid-not proselytizing. I promise.
A limerick for my Father.
My dad is a nice guy named Barry
whose chin and cheeks have grown quite hairy.
The beard is short and normal in size,
but quite hard on my poor eyes.
I hope for a visit from the razor fairy!
ps. My dad’s name is not really Barry.
pps. Everyone hates the beard
ppps. he does not seem to care
pppps. Okay, I really don’t hate the beard, it is better than the handlebar mustache, but not as nice as his nice smooth cheeks.
The truth and nothing but the truth.
1. I scratched the windshield of thehuckablazer this morning by trying to de-ice it with an ice-cream scoop since I have no scraper thingy. It is the south people! TRUE. I need an ice scraper MAYBE three or four times a year. We do own a fancy scraper (with a big brush on the back and everything!) but it was buried in the garage and the three year old was already strapped in the huckablazer, and late for preschool. At the time I congratulated myself for my ingenuity. Whoopsy.
2. I not only wore my fuzzy warm jammie bottoms to preschool drop off but, to pick-up as well. And also for the rest of the day. TRUE. Three days. I spent three days only leaving the house for drive-throughs and drop offs and such, and um only wearing things bought originally for sleepwear. It was COLD! And I never get cold, so you know it was really, really cold.
3. All my child ingested today was Cheetos, water, and a hungry hungry hippo marble. FALSE. First of all, he has not put toys in his mouth for about a year now. Secondly–as a rule he only gets junk food if he has had something semi healthyish first. If I remember correctly, that day he had whole wheat toast with sugar free jam for breakfast, sliced chicken breast and cheese roll ups, fruit, pizza, milk, water, and yes–Cheetos.
4. The Son fell asleep during his stories tonight. The Husband and I finished the book. TRUE. See below. No nap. He was wiped out and fell asleep mid-story–and it was a good story! Just to make sure he was really out, and because The Husband wanted to see what happened, we finished the book.
5. One person in this house took a nap today. It was not the three year old. TRUE. It was me. I fell asleep and the kiddo sat next to me “reading” for a good forty-five minutes.
That was fun! Now you tell me your truths and lies!
PS. JHJ! For crying out loud. I am TRYING to give you a PRESENT! Not a jab in the eye! Here is a hint. It has to do with Belgian Surrealism.
Filed under Boy is my face red, Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies | Comments (6)Four truths and one lie.
1. I scratched the windshield of thehuckablazer this morning by trying to de-ice it with an ice-cream scoop since I have no scraper thingy. It is the south people!
2. I not only wore my fuzzy warm jammie bottoms to preschool drop off but, to pick-up as well. And also for the rest of the day.
3. All my child ingested today was Cheetos, water, and a hungry hungry hippo marble.
4. The Son fell asleep during his stories tonight. The Husband and I finished the book.
5. One person in this house took a nap today. It was not the three year old.
Post your comment, and I will tell you the truth soon.
Oh, and JHJ! You had better answer your phone if you want your super cool Christmas present that finally arrived from Hong Kong!
Filed under Boy is my face red | Comments (5)