Love, honor and respect: I have been paying attention in class!

I got married when I was twenty-three.   For the record, I think twenty-three is too young to get married, and I was not mature enough to make that decision.  Now that I am a more mature, even elderly age, I know that we got lucky.   The Husband and I have matured and grown together instead of in different directions.  This is only by the grace of God.

I was in love with him.  I wanted to be with him at all times.  Lordy, was I ever attracted to him.  I trusted him to not hurt me, but I still wanted to be in control.  I still was counting on taking care of myself, with my parents as a fall back.   I’m not sure I even knew HOW to really respect him.

You know that I was an awesome student, right? Well, if I were to write a mid-term paper on what I have learned in the class of love I would say there are two reasons we have a stronger marriage today than we did seven years ago.  1.  When we got married we promised to have faith that God had put us together, and that he would continue to use us for his good. 2.  We are both hard workers.  You see that is one of the most important thing I have gained from this man–love takes work.

It is one of the beautiful truths of life; loving each other in action–what we do and say–produces romance.  Everything in American culture teaches the opposite, that romance turns into love–but that is simply wrong.  Love is a choice and we choose how we’re going to treat our spouses in the good –and in the not-so-good–times.

My husband has taught me that the reality is an enduring, loving, thriving marriage can be built by simply changing how we interact with our spouse.

My husband has shown me that a modicum of kindness, selflessness, and respect goes a very long way.

My advice to newlyweds would be to accept the fact that your spouse isn’t perfect and then start taking notice of all the good.  Focusing on the good allows you to sort of train your mind to be grateful for who they are–which is so much better than feeling disappointed about who they are not.  Then TELL HIM (or her).  Tell him thank you for being a wonderful provider, tell him that he makes the world’s best grilled cheese, tell him that his short cut really was faster, remind him that you love the way they look with crazy David Bowie hair first thing in the morning, tell him he is an amazing father, and tell the whole world that YOU LOVE HIM.

Now I trust my life to this man–mine and our child’s.  Now I know that he will do everything in his power to take care of and provide for his family.  I respect his decisions and am learning to accept that sometimes because he says so is a good enough reason.   I am honored to be his wife.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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