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Worry
November 20th, 2009
There are many things that surprised me about being a stay home mom. Things like how I miss the little punk when he is away from me even for a couple of hours. How there are times I feel like if I can’t just get out of my house right now I might go totally bonkers. How my house is actually messier than when I had a full time job. How I don’t make fun of the sweatpant lady anymore because I totally get it.
How I can have absolute trust that my husband can provide for us.
But.
There is a sense of control that you lose when you are completely dependent upon another person financially. I can worry all I want about his career but there is nothing I can do to help him succeed. This is not to say I have one of those husbands who is lazy, or who is complacent. It is just that when I was working I felt like I was in control of my destiny at every job I had. If I wanted a raise or a promotion, I worked hard and got one. If I wanted to do just the status quo and skate by unnoticed while I job hunted or read blogs all day then I did.
Now I have to just sit back and let those things happen–or not.
Where is this coming from today? Something like a third of my husband’s co-workers have been laid-off in the last two days, and his boss is no longer his boss. My Husband still has his job–and it seems like if he were going to be let go, it would have happened today. It is just as he whispered to me last night….sometimes our life seems too good to be true. This career of his that lets us pay our bills, allows me to raise our son full time, even allows for the occasional luxury–it is what people dream of.
But what if?
The Husband is brilliant and has a great work ethic, and is both well educated and has a fair amount of experience. I am confidant that if he did lose his job–he could get another one–we would be okay. I just can’t help but worry. Would we go broke in the interim? Would I have to go find a job right away? What would we do with The Son if I went to work? What kind of job would I even look for?
I just read that a couple with children should have an entire YEAR’s worth of expenses in savings for job loss, or emergency. Um, a YEAR? If we had a year’s worth of expenses in savings we could–and probably would-pay off our MORTGAGE.
Do people really have that much set aside? Should I go get a job just so we can have that in savings? We think no. We are going to trust that we will be taken care of, and that our faith and hard work will pull us through any rainy days ahead.
But I still worry.
post edit: I went back and re-read this post and realized what is missing. I am a Christian. Yes, my husband is our provider–but not really. I do try to pray about this–all the time! But I still worry. Why?
Filed under NaBloPoMo, The Husband, faith, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (8)8 Responses to “Worry”
God has wired you to be a worrier. I know because I’m one too. The biggest source of my worry is from the fact that I like to be in control and somethings I can’t control–thus I worry about them. (Sound familiar?)
I used to worry about the fact that I was worrying instead of trusting God which made me worry that I didn’t have enough faith! (sheesh) Then, I finally got it…God made me this way and if He made me this way then He knows that I’m a worrier. I think His challenge to me is what I’m going to do with the worry…carry it all by myself or ask Him to help me carry it? I have finally stopped saying, “I need to trust God and stop worrying.” and worry that I’m worrying. Now I try to remember to say, “God, you made me a worrier and you know I’m worrying right now. I do trust you and know you are going to provide, so will you help me with the worry, please?”
You have a legitimate concern; Pappaw and I certainly are concerned too that TheHusband and you may face difficult days ahead in this economy. You know that we have been in a situation where I was stay-at-home at the same time Pappaw (then a young Daddy with a baby on the way) was permanently laid off. Scary times and I hope you don’t have to go through them yourselves. But, if that happens, just know that you both have loving extended families and we will be there for you to the best of our abilities.
You are all in my prayers….seriously, every single morning during my devotion time driving to work.
I remember very well the anxiety we felt the first time we experienced this situation. We had been married less than a year in 1975 when your dad lost his job. Our first payment on a piece of property we planned to build our first house on was due the next week and we thought the job loss was the end of the world.
We never built that home, but, dad was able to replace his job within two weeks, at a higher rate of pay and in the same town I commuted to. So, we just moved there and bought a house.
You well know that we have experienced this twice (now three times) more since and every time it is scary, but every time we have been blessed with a better life, whether financially or just in the life situation the job change has wrought. One of those situations is what brought us to your hometown. Had it not happened, you probably would have never met the Husband. Talk about a Plan.
I also pray that this would not happen to you, but, if it does you’ll grow from the experience and I truly believe it will be by God’s plan of what he has in store for you. Every time we’ve experienced it, it has gotten easier to accept and to trust in Him.
As I type this, we have undergone a total life change with me having to leave my job due to medical concerns nearly a year ago to the date and then with your father losing his job in February. He has only had one interview for another like job since. Yet, by God’s provision, we are thriving and living a happier life than we ever have before. Are we afraid, no, not really, but I confess to a little anxiety to know whether the contract work with which your father has been blessed will continue or will we have to change our standard of living eventually.
Whatever the outcome, I believe there is a plan and accept it, though we won’t know until we’ve lived it what its purpose was.
I know its hard not to worry, but, I’ve never known a more resourceful man in generating an income than your husband. So trust in him and trust that God wants you to prosper as you commit your lives, and resources, to him.
Grammy, wise words.
You know, the first steps in faith are scary but if we take them, God always blesses, doesn’t He? And, I am so grateful that His Plan did move your family to Conway so HeyYou would go to school at That University and meet my darling son, marry him and then create that beautiful son of theirs! WOW!!!
Great words from both Grammy and MMIL. My only contribution is that yes, some people do have that kind of money set aside in savings. We are those people, but we are a two-income household with no children. Also, I would not recommend paying off your mortgage as your taxes would be sky-high.
Thank you so much for writing this post! I am in a very similar situation and also worry too much! I was laid off in January (was with this company almost 6 years). I am a drafter (draw building plans) and there are just no drafting jobs available in my area…that market is dead. Anyways, I had only been back to work for a month and a half after maternity leave when the lay off happened. Luckily, I filed for unemployment and am able to draw that for now. But that won’t last forever. I made more than what my husband did, so we’ve really taken a hit. Hubby is still employed, thankfully.
I am now a stay at home mom and it’s been a big adjustment. Sometimes I forget that it’s really a blessing to be home with my son and to be able to take care of him and watch him grow.
Thank you so much for the reminder that God always has a plan for us and is always in control!
One more comment on this subject. I believe that God honors the desires of families to make the sacrifice of foregoing added income to stay at home with children. When we did this it is the only time in our lives we managed to become debt free besides a mortgage payment. Some might say that it is because we managed better, but I think it was a God thing. Thank you for making this sacrifice of salary and for the luxuries that come with the second income for our Grandson.
I’m the sole wage earner in our family at the moment (a decision we made so that one of us could stay home with the kids while they are little). I know my husband worries more than I do about our financial security.
To ease his mind, and also because we have little ones to care for now, we have life insurance. We don’t have much in the way of savings and we have too much debt, but if something did happen to me, my husband and the kids would be taken care of.
Beyond death or a horrible accident, we feel like we could get by. We both have enough skills that we could cobble together a living and pay the bills if we have to. But I’m hoping that I keep doing well at what I do.
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