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To whom it may concern: Child’s Play
October 5th, 2009
Thank you for playing with my child, really that is not sarcasm. Thank you–he had fun! Thank you for teaching him a new game, but next time there are a few things you might want to consider. When teaching a JUST TURNED THREE year old hide and seek, please mention that it is VITALLY important that the small child first TELL SOMEONE HE IS HIDING.
If you don’t then a child might-for example-hide while his mama is brushing her teeth.
And then the mama might, for example of course, tear her house to shreds looking for said small child who DOES NOT COME WHEN SHE CALLS, even though HE ALWAYS HAS BEFORE. Maybe she even runs around her street shoeless and braless on the off chance that a small child managed to get out back, open heavy fence gate, close heavy fence gate, and run into the street.
It is even possible that a mama might honestly wonder if you could send a TWEET to 911 because her PHONE IS MISSING AND SO SHE CAN’T CALL FOR HELP! (This is the first time in 2 years I have honestly regretted getting rid of our house phone).
Finally, it is possible that the mama we are hypothetically speaking of, thinks to yell at the top of her lungs “OKAY DARLIN’, YOU WIN! MAMA’S TURN TO HIDE AND YOU SEEK!”
She then maybe cries when she hears, “Yay! I won Mama! Now I will count!”
Things a mama may have learned from this (I swear it really was this long) TWENTY MINUTE fiasco?
1. Just because a child has never stopped talking for more than 15 seconds since he was one, does not mean that when hiding, he can’t be completely silent. (This will be remembered when I shh him for the hundredth time at church on Sunday.)
2. That futon in a kids room looks super cute with all of those stuffed animals and huge fluffy pillows–but it is also a very good hiding spot.
3. When you say it is Mama’s turn to hide? A kid is usually not patient enough to wait until you are finished with your heart attack and weeping. He may want you to hide now.
4. Dental hygiene is maybe not as important as first imagined, in fact—it can wait until husbands get home.
Sincerely,
Me
Filed under The Son, To Whom it May Concern, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (6)6 Responses to “To whom it may concern: Child’s Play”
Hilarious!!! I love that kid!!! And for some reason I sit here imagining said event laughing at you…um er I mean with you. You are laughing now, right? Or is this like Big Top Wedding…do you need a few years to recover from the initial reactions?
Oh man! I would have been upset, too! My little boy just turned 1, so I will have to remember this when he gets older!
While reading this, I flashed back to my not-nearly-3-yr-old’s hide-n-seek adventure in the MIDDLE of Goldsmith’s in one of the more dangerous cities in the South. Quiet as a mouse, an uncle’s personality so similar to TheSon’s it’s scary, me calling frantically, “Punkin, Punkin” all around the store (no, that’s not his name but HeyYou requires code names and that was one of his pet names). Of course, the louder I called, the quieter and more still he got.
An eternity (okay, 10 minutes) later, TheHusband, then aka BigBubba, shouted out, “I found him!!” Where was he found? Hidin in the middle of one of those round clothes racks in the boy’s department. He was sooooo excited that we had played the game with him. Thus…the stretchy wrist leash was purchased and used OFTEN…then used in later years as a threat, “Do you need the wrist leash?” In fact, I STILL have it!!!
Nope, haven’t used it in at least 20 years, but may start trying it out on Pappaw…I’ve lost him several times around the new house–as recently as last night!
Scary………thank goodness for your stroke of genius, Mom. Love you both, thanks for the memories, but let’s try to not make anymore scary ones, okay TheSon?
My mom had one of those leashes that she used with my brother. I think she only had to use it once. It had a cute, puppy dog attached to the wrist. I laughed every time I saw it, which may explain my brother’s attitude toward me. Mom used the leash more as a threat than an actual option. All she had to do was pull it out of her purse and my brother stopped whatever he was doing. It worked.
P.S. I hate those leashes. If you go to http://peopleofwalmart.com, you can see one in use that is appalling!!!
I didn’t mention the time the same child got lost in Silver Dollar City..playing on the steamboat play area with only 2 exits (of which we were only aware of one) while we watched–he disappeared for an instant and we went in one way while he came out the other. His screaming and running among (really) hundreds of people in panic while I did the same was enough to convince me once and for all of the good and appropriate purchase & use of that mommy-and-me child-keeper (aka “wrist leash”).
It was never used in anger and was always used only to preserve safety (his) and sanity (mine). People who use them otherwise are ignorant and obviously mis-use much more than just a wrist leash. Sorry that you hate them……..ShoeShe…..but you know me, so I know you don’t think I’m one of the ignorant ones, right?
So…..anybody up for a quick game of hide ‘n seek? (nervous haha)
Okay, HeyYou, I’m leaving your post in peace now…and hope you have no more misadventures of this sort b/c I seriously know how you felt! Love you.