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One is Silver and the Other Gold.
November 12th, 2008
Did you know aside from family members, the longest relationship I have had with someone is ten years? That would be Cat. My relationship with ShoeShe has been nine years, and Ang eight. The Husband has been seven. We moved several times as I was growing up, so I have no “childhood friends”. In some ways this was good because it made me good at making new pals, and I was really not shy around strangers, but it would be nice to have that history with someone to which I was not related. I do not know what it is about Cat, or Shoeshe, or Ang, that has caused us to stay in touch; to defy those odds.
Cat and I met when we were college freshmen and I loved her from the moment she started telling me stories about her mom. Cat quickly outgrew me. While I was busy being a stupid college kid, she was being a grown-up, but we were still friends. She moved away, and it would have been really easy to lose touch…but we didn’t. She moved, I moved, She moved, I moved, She moved, she moved, she moved, and still we are friends. The best part, even if we have not seen each other for months, it seems like it has just been hours. I love her, and her husband, and fully expect us to still be friends in thirty years.
I could not bear Shoeshe when I first met her, she was a loathsome sorority girl. She lived across the hall in our dorm; I tried to avoid her, and she kept going out of her way to annoy me. She just kept popping up. The last straw was when she popped up in my favorite class, Model U.N. (that is too a class, yes it is, I got credit for it as an undergrad AND a graduate student.) We bonded over resolutions for getting Greece out of Djibouti. It turns out that we had a lot in common and she really was not a very good sorority girl. I love her too and my son ADORES her. He has said every day this week, “foo ball with Sueshe today Mama?” I made the mistake of telling him we were going to visit her and see a game in the next couple of weeks.
Ang was introduced to me by Hey You Richardson, Ang grew up in the town near her and they had the same major. I met Ang a few times, thought she was really smart, and enjoyed her company, but we did not become close until we shared an apartment one summer. That was enough. Ang is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met, and yet was always up for doing something silly or fun. Did I mention that she introduced me to the love of my life? Yeah, she did. I could never, ever say thank you enough for that introduction. To be honest when she moved REALLY far away, I kind of thought that we might just end up being Christmas card friends, but we have kept in touch electronically pretty darn well, and I still count her as one of my best friends, even if I do wish she would be done with Nebraska already.
So why am I telling you all of this? Well, I am currently a little lonely for girlfriends. All three of those people? Live three, six, or God knows how many hours away. I do have some pals, but they all work, and have their own small children and understandably, want to spend time with their own families, as do I. I have been on a quest the last few months to really bond with other women. I need to spend time with people who have the same values, concerns, and interests as me. I am a social butterfly and thrive on interaction with people, and my poor husband can only hear me talk about what happened at play group, or how I should cut my hair so much.
I have joined MOPS, BSF, a SAHM playgroup, OES, LLL, have a great Sunday school class, and have cool neighbors. We have friends with little kids, whom we see once a month for our dinner club. We go to Gym class and Story time, with other SAHM’s, and between all of them smooshed together I have plenty of outlets for the whirl of thoughts that happen in my head. Of course you, darling internet, what would I do without my readers mom reading? Slowly, but surely, I am making more friends. But they are silver–and you, and you, and you–the three of you are gold. Thank you.
Filed under Friends-All three of them, NaBloPoMo | Comments (8)8 Responses to “One is Silver and the Other Gold.”
I know what you mean. When I moved to this new home, I left my best friend behind. She’s 3 hours away and, 18 months later, I’ve only seen her twice. We used to talk by phone 3-5 times a week when I first moved. Now, it’s more like 1-2 times a month. We don’t email much, but really never did anyway. BUT, when we talk it’s like it’s only been a few days. However, I do miss her…she wasn’t a childhood friend but she grew up in the same town and, being a few years older than me, grew up with my brothers and knows everyone from HomeTown that I know.
Yep, I’ve made really wonderful friends here…both at church and at work, but it’s not the same. So, I do know what you mean. Being your mother-in-law, I get that there are some things that (a) you can’t talk with me about (b)I don’t have shared memories of and (c)my potty-training and sleeping-all-night conversations are historic more than they are relevant for you…I felt the same way with my m-i-l.
I’m proud that you not only value your best friends but that you tell them so on a frequent basis. They are lucky to be your friend. I know I’m lucky to be your mom-in-law!
I love you.
I kind of thought that we might lose touch as well, especially when I moved to KS, then to NE. But I’m very happy that we can connect via the interwebs
Hopefully I can also see you when I visit the home state in December. When I moved to KS, I made some great friends that I keep in touch with better than I thought I would. I do have one childhood friend, though. We have known each other for over 20 years, and been best friends for about 15 years. I’m grateful that I’ve got friends that love me even though I live states away.
I think God puts people in our lives who are going to make a positive impact or change us in some way.
I think I should tell the story of how we became friends…
When I first met you, I thought you were a total snob. I’ve told you this before, so for those of you who read this and think “what a jerk,” I’m just being honest.
You wouldn’t give me the time of day. I could hardly understand this, because I’ve ALWAYS been able to make friends very easily and create laughs everywhere I go. I’m a people pleaser, and had never met anyone I couldn’t please (not in a weird way…you, sickos).
So, I kept trying and trying to make you laugh. It didn’t work. I even resorted to putting a bouncing Tigger-Pooh in front of your dorm room door and then bounced along with it, all the while thinking that at some point you’d come out and laugh with me. That didn’t happen.
I spent my whole first semester in college trying to get you to laugh at me…or with me. I knew you had friend-potential, because I saw the way you acted around your “already-friends.” And, I had horrible roommate drama, and needed an outlet. It didn’t happen that semester.
Then, as fate would have it, we signed up for the same class. It was by pure chance that this even happened. You see, I had been entering competitive speech contests since I was in 5th grade (and winning them). I wanted to take a class that would allow me to pursue my love of the spoken word. I was trying to register for Speech 1 or Debate 1, but both classes were full. So, I was grabbing at straws trying to find another debate-like-speech-ish class, when I stumbled upon Model U.N. I thought it would be perfect, because it would combine my natural speech-giving abilities with my love of amateur politics.
Then I walked in the room. You were there. Of course I was late (which is still a commonality), and that probably didn’t help matters. I saw you dodge my eyes, as if to say, “This seat is taken.” But I walked right over and plopped down in the seat right next to yours. You see, though I am a people-pleaser, I don’t always enjoy walking into a room full of strangers and sitting next to someone I haven’t met. I knew of you, so you were safe. I could talk to and befriend others in the room while maintaining the safety of someone I knew.
Over time, it happened. You realized I wasn’t just some goofy, childish sorority girl, and I realized you weren’t a stuck-up brat.
All the while, I think God was working on both of us. I needed to grow up. I would be facing major decisions and a crisis of a health condition in the not too distant future. I needed a friend who would walk with me along that journey and be able to comfort the adult I was becoming. My sorority friends couldn’t be that. They were the “party” crowd. They didn’t understand crisis. You did. You had already lived through one yourself as a freshman.
And you…you needed to lighten up a bit…to embrace the inner child. And you also would come to need a church family when the Wesley became a nightmare.
We complemented each other perfectly, and I am so glad that though miles have separated us, I feel like I am as close to you as ever. I love the comfort you provide. You are one of the few (there are probably only five…counting family members) people who I can totally let go and be myself in front of. Thank you for that. You are gold to me too.
To be honest, I don’t remember too much about when we first met. I think I have blocked some of that time in my life out of my memory for reasons that has nothing to with you.
I do remember the mission trip together. We talked when we were supposed to be sleeping. That week I knew we would be friends for a long time.
You always make me laugh, you tell me things I need to know even when I don’t want to here them, and continue to be one of the people I am closest too.
It’s funny because people always seem to think we are sister when we do not look a alike at all. Maybe they can just see the closeness?
I really believe one day we will move back to where we came from and I hope you are still there when we do. I really hoped our kids would grow up together and we would do fun mom things together. I also miss shopping with you!
Thanks for being a good friend, and marrying Your Husband, he is great to hang out with as well!
Aww! What sweet girls I have! thank you for …well, being you.
I won’t go into a long ramble about how we met, because you already mentioned that. I do, though, remember that you asked A LOT of questions when we went to the beach that first time (before we moved in together). I thought you were a little nosey.
But I still grew to love you. And of course, the double dates with you and the Husband were always hella fun.
There is no LITTLE about it, I am totally nosy. And bossy, and I can’t keep secrets.
And we all knew that, and yet we love you!