Parenting 101

Alternate title: I cleaned off my camera again.

I know most of you come to thehuckablog to learn how to be effective parents. I am highly qualified to teach you because I never make any of the mistakes first time parents are prone to make. Below is a follow up to my first primer on how to be an excellent parent.

1. First let us discuss the adult bed. Children should never be allowed in the parental bed. It forms bad sleeping habits by confusing children as to what the beds purpose is. Some of you may think it is “cute” or “fun”, to say, for example….make a tent out of your sheets using your leg as a tent pole. And then to pretend there is bear outside the tent causing you to shriek to make it go away. Obviously, this is highly discouraged.

If you take your role as a parent seriously, you should certainly not take pictures of your failings. One more piece of advice on the parental bed and play time…using the king size mattress to practice your gymnastics moves? A sure ticket to trade school for your young one.

2. Fresh air at the park is very important for growing toddlers.  A parent should always bring a camera and focus on your child. Doing something like taking pictures of other kids is extremely dangerous and can lead to years of therapy for your child. Even if the other kids are really, really cute.

3. If you insist on letting your child play on equipment which is better suited for older children, make certain you stay nearby so you can catch him if he chooses to jump or push his friend.

I have no comment for this one…I just like the picture, hmm. Oh, here is one. 4.  Make certain your child is properly dressed for outside play. A jacket in November should be a requirement.

5. Encourage your child to play according to manufactures recommendations. Never let him spin around until he falls off on something meant for older children’s feet.

6. Children’s safety equipment is highly overrated. There is no need to make your kid wear a helmet, even if he is prone to falling off of various pieces of ride-on toys.

7. Make certain to walk in front of a small child on the street to clear any dangerous debris out of his way,

and to make sure he stays on the right path. Surely there is no need for me to tell you to keep your child out of neighbor’s yards. (It is not yours!)

8. If perchance the child’s toy were to run down its batteries, you should assist the child in returning home. Never, for example, say  “you got it out here. You push it back.”  That would just be mean.

9. Finally bedtime is a time of quiet and reflection. We here at thehuckablog recommend yoga to unwind. You would be surprised just how much meditating a two year old can do on his head. Five minutes before bed. Not wearing pants.

If you follow these simple suggestions, your child should be well on the way to being happy and well adjusted.

Filed under Boy is my face red, NaBloPoMo, Parenting for Dummies, Photography, The Son | Comment (1)