Bad Girl, Bad Girl, Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come for You?
Alternate Title: How to blow $135 dollars without even trying: a tutorial.
Did you know that The Son and I went to go see the Tarksandsons this weekend? Well we did. We drove several hours with Cars on repeat in the portable DVD player to a lovely town called Mount WherethehellistheMountain. It is twenty minutes west of Mount ThisplaceisasflatasCalistaFlockhart’schest. Misnomers aside, it was a great trip. It made me realize how much I really miss my friends, and how they need to hurry up and move home.
I had to rush back on Sunday afternoon because I had a meeting at church. I had been stuck behind this powder blue Oldsmobile for an hour. Traffic was pretty heavy even though all that was in the area were trees. Lots and Lots of trees. So that you can get a proper understanding of the events that transpired, we shall have a dramatic reenactment using some of the nine million toy cars and trucks we have here at Huckablog world headquarters.
We do not have a Huckablazer HotWheel, so the part of the Huckablazer will be played by a blueish silver Shelby Concept car, just because I can. The part of the Oldsmobile will be played by the blue 3 race car.
Unbeknownst (spell check does not recognize unbeknownst, but it is too a word. Right?) to me, a State Policeman had found the one gap in the trees to park.
I slowly but surely passed the oldsmobile and another old person car. There was a big eighteen wheeler hogging more than his share of the road so I waited for a chance to pass him.
An Aerial view.
Then a giant toddler zoomed in from above and smashed the highway to smithereens. Oh, wait. No, that only happened in the dramatized re-enactment.
Where were we? Oh yes, I was waiting to pass the big truck. Cop was hiding. Toddler was now playing with The Husband.
All of a sudden the big truck slowed down a bit (I wonder why?) so I took the chance to speed up and pass him…right next to the cop.
He turned on his lights immediately. I said more than “Oh, Snap.”
He got right behind me, and I knew what was coming.
I pulled over on to the ledge of the highway with cars zooming past.
I said that I was just passing! I tried to explain that I had a meeting. I said that the music from Cars‘ race scene MADE me go faster. You can guess what happened next.
And just to rub salt in an already broke-who-has-$135-to-mail-me wound, I got behind that same blue oldsmobile again, and had to stay there the whole rest of the way home.
The Wiggle on the Block.
There is a man in our neighborhood named Greg. He is a perfectly nice man, very good with children, in fact he has a toddler of his own. Everyday The Son asks to go see Greg. “Where Greg?” “I see Greg?” Occasionally when I explain that Mr. Greg is at work, we get “*Sob*, But I want GRREEEGG! MAMA, GO GET GREG! *Sob*.” We drive by Greg’s house and if his truck is not visible, The Son says, “Greg no there.”
Now, as I said, Greg is great, but I could not figure out why The Son wants to see him so much. At first I thought maybe The Son could not say his friend’s (Greg’s child’s) name, and that was really who he wanted to see. When I ask The Son if he wants to go play with his friend, he is okay with that, but still asks for Greg. Has Greg been slipping The Son chocolate or toddler crack when we’re not looking? We also try to get The Son to say Mr. or Ms. in front of any adult’s name, and he resolutely refuses to say “Mr. Greg.” It was not until the day Greg wore a yellow T-shirt and The Son flipped out with joy that we finally figured it out.
The Son thinks Greg is THE GREG of Greg the Yellow Wiggle fame. We have tried explaining it is not the same Greg, but so far he is still looking for Greg to trade in his red truck for a big red car.
Filed under The Son | Comment (1)I’m on your side when times get rough and friends just can’t be found.
See comments for details on photography.
When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
by: Paul Simon
Filed under Photography, Poetry, The Son | Comment (1)A Happy Child. My Happy Child.
A Happy Child
I saw this day sweet flowers grow thick –
But not one like the child did pick.
I heard the packhounds in green park –
But no dog like the child heard bark.
I heard this day bird after bird –
But not one like the child has heard.
A hundred butterflies saw I –
But not one like the child saw fly.
I saw the horses roll in grass –
But no horse like the child saw pass.
My world this day has lovely been –
But not like what the child has seen.
by: W.H. Davies
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A man (er, little boy) on a tractor.
The dog walked just like it was smiling,
the man drove like the world was all right.
The tractor hummed on like a part of a song
that you sing to your children at night.
His work was laid out there before him
in rows of green, his whole life was revealed.
Oh what I wouldn’t give if I could just live
like a man on a tractor with a dog in a field.
Let me do what I’m doing,
let me be where I am,
let me find peace of mind
on my own piece of land.
When I’m lost, help me to let go
and find some way to feel
like a man on a tractor with a dog in a field.
by: Rodney Atkins
See comments for details on photography.
Maybe just one post on Political Thoughts
Just one post on this subject. Tomorrow I will have pictures of The Son, or something else appropriate for a mommy blogger. I have kept pretty quiet about this election, and I really do not want to come across as one of those bloggers who insults her readers because of a difference of opinion. I think that both Democrats and Republicans want to help people, there are just very different philosophies as how to best deliver the help. Following are several reasons why I will be voting for John McCain (or against Obama). Read them….don’t read them, whatever. Just don’t go and vote without really being educated, (and Jon Stewart cannot educate you to the intricacies of national politics). If you are one of those people who does not care about policy, and only vote on charisma, remember this: the choice is between a dedicated, experienced American with an uncorrupted Governor as VP or a great speaker and his entrenched-in-his-ways VP. For me the choice is clear and here are some reasons why.
1. The point is small government. Period. Why can’t subsidies for those less fortunate come in the way of a donation to a privately controlled, nonprofit agency, or organization instead of the federal government? Maybe even a state run program that’s a little easier to control and manage? If the federal government lays down the law, then chances are someone is going to fall through the cracks, or get “red taped”. I don’t want my hard earned (er, well The Husband technically earned them) tax dollars falling into a black hole of endless administration that intends to help, but is often for naught. Republicans do not want to force their ideals on us by way of federal laws and legislation. Instead they intend to leave it up to the states, which hopefully then leave it up to cities or communities. That in turn gives the American people a little more freedom to choose.
2. The stereotype of Republicans is wrong. Not all conservative Republicans are either rich corporate fat cats or uneducated, gun toting, close minded, uncaring, religious zealots. Conservatives have been misrepresented as being greedy money hoarders. There are numerous articles based on polls and findings which show that conservatives give overwhelmingly more of their money, and time, to charities than do their liberal counterparts. We just believe not only is it not the job of the government to eliminate hardships, but rather it is impossible for the government to eliminate hardships. As a good citizen, I do plenty, donate constantly, volunteer and what not, I don’t need the government to tax my family for us to help others. This is one of the many reasons that we think a smaller national government works best.
3. I believe Obama has faith in his plans to help the poor, and I believe that he and most liberals really do want to help. However, he doesn’t understand that it is impossible for him to follow through on the programs he is promising. Universal health care, overtaxing the higher earners, these things look on good paper, but end up creating other problems and shortfalls in the long run. In the end, the failed programs would hurt more people than they help. Hope is not a strategy, and confidence alone does not solve problems.
4. Sarah Palin has been criticized for everything from her accent to her religious convictions lately. Most of that criticism is focused on her lack of experience. Which begs the question, if Palin isn’t ready for the task of second in command, how can Democrats believe Obama is ready for first? He is obviously lacking experience which no die hard Democrat can deny. The truth is neither Palin or Obama have enough experience for the roles they are now vying for, but in the political game, the best and most experienced people are either jaded, not well liked for some reason, or dead. Both Palin and Obama have moved up through the political ranks because they articulate well, and their personalities resonate with people. One more word about Palin. Sarah Palin is doing something right in Alaska to have an 80% approval rating.
5. There are many people in this country who are fiscally conservative yet have rather liberal social views. Trying to marry these two is extremely difficult. I will say that I think Obama has some good ideas in regards to some social views, and I feel he is a decent man, but he gives me the feeling that he wants to wave a magic wand at the woes of our country, and world, and POOF! It will all be better. The polarization that has happened in our country of pitting one group against the other is neither helpful, nor productive, and I sincerely believe the Republicans are better at looking at both parties, and using the good ideas of both.
6. We aren’t trillions in debt by giving back to our own people, as I have heard many complain. We’re in debt due to different reasons, but one of the main reasons is that we help our foreign allies and less fortunate countries. Regarding drill vs don’t drill, while I think other energy sources are desperately needed, I also think it’s ridiculous that we depend on dangerous countries for our oil and don’t see why there can’t be a middle ground while we search for longer term solutions. Until Obama sees Iran as the threat that it is, I absolutely don’t want to see him in office–even as Senator.
7. As for health care, private insurance does need to change becoming affordable for everyone. HOWEVER, the government is not there to provide insurance for everyone. Insurance companies are in business to make money, the government is not. Besides, Republicans did not invent insurance. Insurance is not around just to make Democrats mad or keep the poor in their place. Insurance is a risk-based business that, unfortunately, causes some people great heartache. How can insurance companies make money when they can’t choose whom to insure? I absolutely don’t want the government anywhere near my health care. I have seen how much they can screw up an theoretically good system and don’t want to depend on them to tell me what doctor I can see, and when. I cannot believe Democrats really want the same people that run the DMV running our health care?
8. After the elections are over, and the dances have ended at the inaugural balls, it’s really just a game of who has best mastered the game of compromise. Who can work with who to get the most done, who knows how to play the game? Who is going to hold himself to the rules in which I believe? I think it is John McCain.
The Declaration of Independence states regarding the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness:
“…That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
The only thing these places have in common is they both empty wallets.
The Son had his two year old well child check up this morning. He is perfectly perfect. His weight is in the 60th percentile and his height is in the 20th, the same percentages as he has had since he was three months old. I expect he will stay around there since he has shortish, chubbyish, parents. He decided to show off his verbal skills for both the nurse and the doctor ( “Pwease nurse? The Son have a Thomas Sticker, Pwease?”, “My ears not hurt. You no look in dem.”), and they told me what I already know, his speech is way ahead of the curve. What did we get a big fat FAIL on? His sleeping habits.
The kid STILL wakes up at least once a night, walks into our room, climbs into our bed, and latches on to the first breast he can find. Sometimes The Husband or I will put him back in his bed when he falls asleep in ours……or not. Often he will just stay in our bed for the rest of the night nursing at the all night Mama buffet. This, according to my pediatrician any way, is completely unacceptable for a two year old. Now I know that I have LLL friends and MDC friends who would say the Pediatrician has been brainwashed by cold science and that children have been co-sleeping and night nursing for millennia…and while I agree it is okay for some families…it is becoming a problem for us. I want to go to sleep and stay asleep. I do not want little fingers poking me in the eye at three AM or little teeth scraping my nipple as he loses his latch in the middle of the night. While I seriously doubt I will go against all of my AP philosphies, we are getting ready to stop night nursing–cold turkey. THERE WILL BE NO NURSING FROM 9 PM TO 6AM. There I proclaimed it to the internet, so now we have to stick with it.
After I got chewed out for my hippie ways, The Son had to get a Hep-A booster. (see? I get him vaccinated! He is circumcised too! And we used Pampers! I am not that crunchy!—Oh wait. Hippie friends? Do you still love me? I still use my sling! I try to avoid all food dyes. We only use positive reinforcement. He is still nursing at two for crying out loud! Obviously I do not fit in with either camp of the mommy wars. Oh, well.) Where was I? Oh yeah. The Son got a shot. He did not want to sit on my lap, so he just sat in a chair and I held his hands while the nurse jabbed him. He was more pissed off and surprised than hurt. He did not cry for more than a second, but when the nurse left and then came back to hand me a packet on “healthy sleep habits” he shouted when she was in the doorway, pointing at her he said. “NO! YOU STAY!” “NOOOO! STAY!”. I asked him if anything would make him feel better (expecting him to want to nurse), and he said, “I need Pancakecakes, Mama. Pwease?” We went to IHOP of course.
After his pancake with yogurt on top (um, ewww.) and a reaaaally long nap, we did what everyone else does on a perfect early fall evening. Another fall night, another county fair. This time it was in our own hometown. I am a member of a philanthropic organization that gets partial proceeds from the paid parking…if I go risk my life by standing amongst all of the compensating for something big trucks and breathing the second hand smoke wafting from open car windows as people hand me their three dollars that have been who knows where. Things I have learned? Teeth are rarer than I once thought in our lovely community, and certain people have different standards of child car seat safety than I do. I do not find letting your toddler balance on your twelve pack of Coors in the front seat of your pickup to be particularly safe, but they pay me three bucks to point to a vacant lot with a flashlight, not gesticulate on the security of their children.
The Son got to have another fabulous fair experience, this time with his other grandparents (his Grammy and Grandpa. Not the ones in their eighties, they only take him on the super fun Buick ride–that is a joke–the Buick ride with Grandma is the scariest one of all ((Lord, please do not let them be reading my blog. Amen.)). This time The Son rode the huge Ferris Wheel (he is definitely NOT afraid of heights), a firetruck, a race car, the dragon coaster, the flying lizards, the wiggle worm, a carousel, and the spin-till-you-regurgitate apples. My mom and I rode that one with him, and it was basically Disney teacups, only enclosed in a fiberglass apple. I guess to keep vomit from hitting other patrons? All of us managed to keep down our meatloaf, but we were pretty wobbly as we stepped onto the rickety stairs.
The last ride of the night was a return trip to the rotating firetrucks, and while all of the seat belts I strapped on The Son seemed to be in pretty good shape, when the overly cheerful Carney handed The Son back to me, I could smell the liquor halo around him. I guess now we know why Mr. Carney was so friendly, Everclear! Is it considered drunk driving if all you have to do is pull a lever? The Son was the one behind the wheel after all.
That pretty much ended our rides for the evening, we sauntered over to the fishing hole (side note: Hey JHJ, were we EVER allowed to play these games? I don’t think so. My theory is because the prizes are so horrific and Mom and Dad only enjoy paying for The Son to play because they know those prizes are coming to my house.), The Son caught a rubber shark that had been dyed blue because of all the food coloring in the water. His prize “catch” earned him (at least I think, the lady carney running the booth spoke zero English, she kinda gestured at us so we grabbed a prize and left. Maybe we stole it?) a plastic trumpet. (HOOOONNKKASQUUUEEEEAK!) Oh let me tell you the joy I felt about that. On the way home, I shoved a piece of cotton candy in the end (google says it is called the bell) to keep it quiet, but all that did was earn me a piece of damp cotton candy in my hair when he blew really hard. (PhffffffftSPLATSQUEEEEEAKAHOONK!)
I guess it was pay back for telling him he can’t nurse at night anymore.
Filed under Breastfeeding, Parenting for Dummies, The Son | Comments (4)