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The Baby Question
July 22nd, 2008
The Son will be two at the end of August. We are getting a lot of the “So when is The Son going to get a little sister?” questions. What is that all about? Is The Son not as cute as he used to be? I think it is because he is so darling that people want us to produce as many as we can.
Before The Son was born I only wanted one child, The Husband wanted two, four years apart (The same distance in age as his brother and him). He said that as soon as The Son was fully potty trained that he wanted to have another one. Now The Husband is starting to seriously think that The Son is plenty, our family feels great just as it is. He is not so sure that he wants me to make him an appointment for a vasectomy, but he is open to the idea in theory. When I was in the middle of PPD hell, I was confident that I was NEVER doing this again. But now…..I kinda have baby fever. I have gotten to hold a few lately, and ooohh the smell! The Son does not smell like that any more. Instead of breast milk and lotion, he smells like cheese and dirt. He is just growing up so fast. Talking in sentences, eating with utensils (he did pretty well with CHOPSTICKS last night.) peeing in the potty, asking for his cup (rarely) over nursing, and of course there is this.
I hate that he is out of his crib so early. He still does not sleep through the night, but he will say “Boat bed now, Mama.”
I would not expect a big announcement from The Huckablogs anytime soon….but we do think about it a lot. We still toss around names (Micah, Elijah, or Simon for a boy, Ruth, Martha, or Elizabeth for a girl), I still tell myself what I would do differently with a second baby (arms reach co-sleeper instead of bassinet, a whole lot more of the sling and a whole lot less, if any, swing and bouncy seat, cloth diapers, ((crunchy AP things I guess)). I guess the answer to the baby question is **shoulder shrug**. If we did have another kid how could we possibly love them as much as we do our little monkey?
I would hate to have this happen to our second born.
Filed under Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies, The Son |8 Responses to “The Baby Question”
It’s hard for me to put my thoughts into words on this one.
I would like to have a second child, but then the rational part of me kicks in and says, “but if you only have one think of all the things you’ll be able to do with them that you financially wouldn’t be able to do with two”.
Then the emotional part of me takes over again and says, “but….wouldn’t it be neat to have two kids that could become good friends?”
I guess I’m still torn on the issue and haven’t truly made my mind up one way or the other.
I will continue to seek God’s guidance in this and trust that the answer to my internal struggle will present itself when the time is right.
I can somewhat relate to this, and am baring my soul in the process. You see, Joe and I have been married for over 6 years, and we still don’t have children. We haven’t even tried. It seems like there has always been some obstacle in the way. First, it was getting through school (for both of us). Now that we’re both finished with school, the excuse has turned to the new house.
Believe it or not, we started getting the baby question within months of being married (the consequences of coming from a small town). After everyone realized we were NOT having a child at the tender age of 22, they kind of laid off. Then, after we hit about the 3-year anniversary mark the questions started again. When we visited my in-laws over the Easter weekend earlier this year, my mother-in-law (she’s really a sweet person and we get along great) admitted that she thought the reason we were visiting was to tell them in person that we were going to have a baby.
I am the oldest of six grandchildren on my dad’s side. With the exception of the youngest, I am the only one that does not have or isn’t expecting children. This makes me feel strangely inferior, though I am also the only one that has a college degree, much less a post-graduate degree. In my family, I kind of feel like I don’t fit in and not having children is one more reason to make me feel like an outsider.
This is not all to say that we are never planning on having children. We just bought a 4-bedroom house, and it wasn’t so each of my cats could have their own room. I have baby fever like crazy and I want to start trying immediately. My husband, however, does not. He is very concious of the financial requirements of children. He also says that he’s still being a little selfish and he kind of likes our life the way it is now.
I’m not trying to make him sound like the bad guy. I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet (no offense to The Husband, but it’s true). He is so caring and doesn’t have an enemy in the world. He takes good care of me. For these reasons (and a few others), he would make an excellent father. He assures me that we can start trying within the next year, but I am a planner and I would prefer to have a more detailed timeline.
Wow, maybe I should start a blog of my own. It felt really good to talk about that to someone other than my husband (a conversation that always leaves me in tears).
Ang,
I am Kinda hoping my mom pops in to say a few things here, I think that she can really relate to having kids after you have been married awhile, and being the (Good!) Black sheep.
I am glad you shared with us, I have to admit, I was NOT asking if you guys were thinking about babies yet because I thought maybe something might be wrong, like difficulties getting PG or something. I am thrilled you are just overly responsible!
You were very smart to wait until you were done with school, ask The Husband, it is NOT easy to do. Having a house is a great idea too, but tell Your Husband (in fact just make him read this) that there is no perfect time to have a baby! There will always be something. And they are crazy expensive, but we don’t seem to mind as much as we thought we would. Plus, kids do not need a tenth of the stuff that Baby Depot and PBK tells us that they do. (I was just telling my PG friend that all you REALLY need in the beginning are your boobs, three onsies, a few swaddling blankets you can steal from the hospital, and diapers.) Yes, we do miss sleeping in, and being able to stay out late, or just go to a movie with out worrying about a sitter, being able to go to restaurant and actually sit and relax.
There are so many other cool things you get to do though! You know all of the things you loved as a kid? Well you get to do them all again, everytime The Baby learns something new, you feel like you are the best parent ever! “Rolling over? I TAUGHT him that! He is clearly a genius.” The feeling of hearing “I love you Mama (Daddy)? OMG I can see why Michelle Duggar has babies just for that.
You are still REALLY YOUNG. You have all the time in the world. As do we. God knows what he is doing, and gives us the children he wants us to have, when he wants us to have them.
Oh, and you totally need your own blog. Love ya!
Yes! I do understand being the oddball in the family. Though I love my family (parents and brothers families) very much they are very different from me. It was apparent from an early age. Now when we are together, everybody gets along and we reminisce on the past…but its hard to talk about our lives today as they have become different worlds.
Two of my brothers and their wives got pregnant immediately after their marriages — we didn’t have Sarah until after we’d been married six years. Those same two brothers had two children each, as did we and my other brother too, but the ones who had their children young, had three of the four children not complete high school…nor even obtain a GED! As I’m sure you know education is very important to us.
Three of these nieces and nephews from those families have chaotic lives, one even having three children, none of whom live with her! Gabby, which Hey You has written about, and who lives with my mother, her Great Grandmother, is one of those children.
Actually, Ang, we (Dad and I) also had different ideas on when to try for children. But it all worked out and we had ours three years apart during our sixth and ninth years of marriage. We now remember those years before the children warmly and jokingly call it “BC” and are thankful we had that time. In fact, we have both mused that we are not certain we would have made it through the difficult teenage years had we not had the memories of “BC” to help us know what our future “AC” might once again be like.
Hey You and the Husband, and you and Joe, will both be blessed with the number of children God means for you to have. Selfishly, I’d like more grandchildren, but only in God’s time and when it seems right to them. God bless you and Joe in your responsible approach to a very serious decision.
One last thing, I know that’s a joke about the birds and not treating the second child well, but you know that whether they have one or ten children….God’s grace is sufficient to supply the love and material needs for them.
Ang, please have Joe read this:
When we first started talking about getting pregnant, we still lived in “TheHole” and I said that I wanted children but didn’t want to have them while we lived there.
We bought a house, remodeled it, moved in and life went on.
Then we started talking about it….I was scared to death. I wasn’t sure we’d be able to afford all of the things I thought we were going to need for a baby. I also didn’t want to give up sleeping late, going out whenever, etc… All of the things you usually give up when you have a baby at home. Everyone kept telling me, “There’s no perfect time to have a baby, you’ll never be ready and if you wait till you are you’ll be too old” I thought they were crazy.
I mean, I wanted to be able to put pen to paper and make sure we could afford EVERY possible scenario of baby expenses.
In the end, my emotional side won out over my rational side and said, JUST DO IT! So I listened.
I have to say that there is NO way I would ever go back to a time before we had our son…The love that you feel for your child is indescribable, it permeates to the very core of your soul. Things you thought would be gross (cleaning poop or vomit) seem to not be as gross as you thought it would be.
You wake up every day and there’s something new that the baby has learned and you start to feel a sense of pride, because YOU taught him/her that skill.
It’s so incredibly rewarding and has done SO much for my self image that I just….WOW!
I know you, I know you and Ang will become EXCELLENT parents. I truly understand your hesitation, believe me I was in the same boat.
I’ve said all this just to tell you this:
Having children is something you’ll never regret (except maybe the teenage years) and is something that will continue to reward you for the rest of your life.
If you want to talk to me about it, give me a call/email…..but don’t feel that I’m pressuring you to have them now, I think that is something you have to decide on your own.
Thanks so much to all who have commented. I didn’t mean to take this post and twist it until it was all about me, but it seemed to resonate through me and I felt like it was the perfect time to discuss it. Your words have encouraged me, and Joe and I had the baby discussion yesterday and I did not end up in tears (as is usually the case). Thanks so much everyone!! I love and miss you guys!!
Yeah I’m late posting. Really it’s up to you guys. I think you’re right in that (The Son) is so cute that people want you guys to have more pretty babies. Everyone I’ve ever heard say “How can we love two as much as we love the one?” will tell you when the second (or however many thereafter) one comes along that you love them just as much as you did the first. Love is not something you are only given a set amount of, it’s like a flower garden and can grow and spread with all kinds of beautiful blooms. But don’t let people pressure you into anything. I would love to see you guys have more kids though!!!
This is to TheHusband:
Doing things with two is not really that much more expensive than with one. (Except maybe when buying Eagles tickets–or paying the ob/gyn and delivery bills.) The second one is often happy with hand-me-downs and many hotels sleep children under 12 for free. Lots of museums and organizations have family rates. Oh, and ice chests filled with snacks and sandwich fixin’s is a really good relationship-building exercise while on vacation. Exhibit 1: videos of two boys caught sneaking into the food stash while only wearing their skivvies–good family entertainment 20 years later!
One child is fun, two are truly more than twice the fun because they each have a friend/buddy/enemy to bounce off of throughout the adventures and torments “clueless” parents throw their way. And it really helps with the boredom of “are we there yet” when there’s a person in the backseat to share the agonies of long road trips.
I’m not pressuring at all…I know, it probably sounds like it. It was your comment about wondering whether you could afford to do all the things you want with two as opposed to one brought this whole comment on. I must tell you how very thankful I am that you had a little brother. The friendship between the two of you began on day 1 and has been amazing to watch over the years. Yes, adulthood changes that relationship and that’s sometimes sad/frustrating but that’s just part of life. I value one brother’s unconditional love for me more now at 50 than I ever have before and that lets me ignore all of those little quirks of his that used to drive me crazy! And, in the end, I know we will be there for each other regardless of how old and wizened we become and that is priceless.
There’s nothing like a house filed with the chaos and sounds of our two kids playing, laughing, yelling, fighting, crying and I miss it. Except, of course, when TheSon gifts us with his presence and fills our home with all the little-boy sounds one could ever wish for and then I’m quite content until the next visit!
Having another or not is completely your and HeyYou’s decision, however. Dad and I want to be sure that you both know we support whatever you two decide.
Love,
Mom