Comments are closed.
Proper alignment of your whine.
June 16th, 2008
In an effort to do more to win thehuckablubber off than contract various breeds of intestinal parasites, I went to the gym tonight. Right next to the gym daycare there was a classroom marked Pilates, 5:45. Seeing as how it was 5:46, and I was so not feeling the elliptical, I took off my shoes, grabbed a mat, and sat down. Upon glancing around, I got THAT feeling. You know the one, or lucky you, maybe not, but that feeling of knowing you weigh about fifty pounds more than anyone in the room. Yikes. So then I looked up at the front of the room and saw written on the white board: ADVANCED Pilates, Monday 5:45. Oh shi–cough, cough, shoot. I totally said shoot. I actually stood up to leave because I was thinking that my prenatal pilates video I half-heartedly did two years ago did not make me ADVANCED. The instructor asked where I was going, and I explained that I was not ready for ADVANCED, “Oh don’t worry Sugar! You will be just fine! It is mostly just stretching and deep breathing.” I stayed.
It started with some gentle stretching and the expected inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale in tune to Enya. It progressed to some high leg lifts, and pointy toe misery. This is where it started to get really bad. I think this pose was called trussed pig.
This is also about the point that my spine started to whimper. I wondered if I could leave without anyone noticing, but my shoes were against the wall right behind the ever malleable instructor. I soldiered on, and prayed that those creaks and groans my back was making were supposed to happen. Then this happened.
Seriously. Every single other person in the room had their friggin toes touching the friggin mat behind their head! AND THEY WERE NOT EVEN SWEATING!! I was apparently supposed to “gently stack my spine as I rolled over in a fluid motion.” Uh. Yeah. I thought they were going to have to get a wheelchair for me, and when I actually (stupidly) tried this position, my gut and boobs smashed into my double chin and then I fell over. Finally we ended with a position I could do.
When it was over, no one could look me in the eye. Or at least I don’t think so, the flashes of light I was seeing from my blinding pain, MAY have kept me from noticing. Next week, I try pilates for the elderly and arthritic instead. Twenty-eight counts as elderly right?
Filed under Boy is my face red, huckablubber |10 Responses to “Proper alignment of your whine.”
Reading this led me to the best work out I’ve had all month. I’m still gasping for air. Too funny!
I totally feel your pain. I do jazzercise (aerobics, strength training, and stretch all in one hour-long class) and there is one instructor who can bring her leg parallel to her head, and expects the rest of us to do this as well. My body does NOT bend that way.
Do you get to pick the ads that show up on the site? Or is it just pure coincidence that today’s ad is “Double your flexibility in 28 days” complete with pics of people standing, compeltely folded in half with their head tucked between their knees?
I can’t remember the last great belly laugh. Thanks.
I did pilates before and after my wedding and I loved it! I couldn’t laugh for a week after the first time I did it because my stomach hurt so much, but it’s fun! WARNING: In some of those positions (especially the ones with your tushi in the air) you’re likely to pass gas so sqeeze those cheeks!!
Today I am hobbling. Karebear, the only thing i was omitting was gasps of pain, and trying not to hurl. As far as the ads go…they are assigned by content matter. After I wrote this post last night, the ads were for a back brace and Tylonal. I literally LOL’d. I do not get to choose them but if I find them offensive (or if you do let me know) I ask to have that one removed. I did that with the Arab lounge. and the chubbygayhookup.com What you can do is click on the ads that are moderately appropriate for the site. those then a. give me money b. will appear more often.
We should hobble together. I haven’t braved the yoga/pilates class, but I am in the 2nd week of Boot Camp and today was one of the first days I’ve made it up and down the stairs painlessly.
KareBear…you should have known better. Hey You does not pass gas…ever. We’ve already been through that.
ShoeShe, you’re right, Hey You NEVER passes gas…..she just creates gentle breezes that smell of lilacs and lavender.
[...] No snacking? Anyway, my exercise has been consisting of a lot of swimming, walking, and um, pilates. Has any started to notice a difference? I have in one pair of jeans and maybe a couple of [...]