It’s Nuttin Honey: A play in one act.
“Hey You? Honey, this has gone bad.”
“What is it?”
“Blackberry honey. I won it in the silent auction.”
“Grandma, this is blackberry honey hand soap. It just smells like honey.”
“Oh. No wonder it tastes bad. You can have it.”
“Thanks.”
Filed under Family-blame the DNA | Comments (3)Because Al does not have a monopoly on caring.
In other words, Happy Earth Day fellow earthlings! I know that I have said disparaging remarks about Al Gore before, (I mean come on the guy said he invented ….. the interwebz, how can I respect that?), but there is one thing that I do commend him on. He has made a wider spectrum of our population at least think about our planet. End commendation, wait for it……..now.
So you may already know this, but Hey You is a card carrying Republican. How Republican you ask? I have worked for a Republican U.S. Senator, I was the Vice-President of our college Republicans, and I still think that Richard Nixon was one of the best Presidents we have ever had (seriously y’all, do you really think we would have such a good relationship with China without him?). One way I think the Republican Party has been wrongly portrayed is that they are uncaring about the environment. I think that realistic is a much better adjective for my good Ole’ GOP. You would be hard pressed to find a modern Republican (meaning one who is not busy in bathroom stalls, or over 90) who would publicly pronounce “Global warming is a bunch of horse biscuits!”
The left side of our country (literally and figuratively) has made billions proclaiming that their products (almost always more expensive) are “green” and are marketing them to make we overachieving, guilt fueled, over indulged Americans feel better about ourselves. “So River and I just bought a new Hybrid! We are soo doing our part to help save the polar bears. Those fuel guzzling SUV’s can just kiss my hemp covered ass, the one held up by my hairy legs, with feet adorned in my Rosie approved Birkenstocks.” Whatever peeps. The truth of the matter is that just the INCREASE in coal that China will burn by 2020 will send as much CO2 into the atmosphere as 3 billion (that b-b-b-billion) Ford Expeditions, each driven 15,000 a year. So the increased burning of ONE source of energy by ONE country is equal to the to the CO2 emissions by 3 billion massive trucks. (Oh and it would take Ford 15,000 years to even sell that many.) On to the spirally fluorescent bulbs, even if every light bulb in America were replaced by these (which thehuckablog household does use FYI, they last a heck of a lot longer) thrn it would only reduce world emissions by .0003%. Also, did you know that the livestock industry accounts for 18% of ail greenhouses gases, from their, you know, breezes. So therefore any global warming activist who is not also a Vegan is a total hypocrite (and have you seen Al of late?). One more thing, just as with all politicians, they are unfairly swayed towards the groups that give them large amounts of money, and tend to ignore facts to the contrary. (I am not leaving the GOP out of this classification either, can we all say Halliburton?) Al Gore (and Hillary and Barack) all have been in the top 5 politicians to receive money from these “green” special interest groups. They cannot fairly analyze the real situation.
The truth is that while Global Warming is happening at an extremely slow rate, the numbers have been grotesquely overstated. The real numbers are much less sinister. Take for example the oceans rising that have been much touted by Mr. Gore and his homies. He said that the oceans will rise 240”. The UN IPCC (not exactly a right wing organization) says that the real truth is 15”. He is obliterating facts to sell movie tickets. And gets a Nobel peace prize. The congress (yes it was republican) voted down adapting the Kyoto treaty by a nail bitingly close margin of 95 to 0. Why? Listen up Beastie Boys, because even if we pretend for a second that everything that Global Warming activists say is true (its not), and the Kyoto protocols were fully implemented (not even close), the effect would be immeasurably small.
Let’s end with the cheery thought that most scientists say that “it is much too late to sweat global warming”, San Francisco Chronicle 2/13/2005. It is time for us to worry about the things that we can change. We can change pollution. We can stop annihilating the rainforests, we can stop poaching endangered animals, we can stop leeching chemicals into our ground water. We can leave a place cleaner than when we got there. We can choose to not be wasteful or greedy. We can plant trees, and educate our children; but not to stop, or even slow global warming. I will do these things to keep the beauty God has given us, to teach The Son to respect and treat his blessings kindly. I want my son, and his son, and his son, to be able to hike and see eagles, to be able to swim in lakes and to fish in the Gulf of Mexico. I cherish this earth for what it has given us, and will spend my time, and energy helping it in ways that make a difference.
And for sticking with me through my Earth Day diatribe, a reward! A picture of The Son!
I got a lot of this information from Glen Beck’s An Inconvenient Book.
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Not a post on its own. But if you smoosh them all together? YES!
- The Son just bumped his truck into my breast and said “truck Nur-Nur?” Maybe he is thinking about alternative fuel sources?
- Just found half a mushed up banana under the couch. I think I discovered the source of all these ANTS!
-Things that suck….. literally…..TICKS! I just found one on my BOOB! YEEAACK! GETITOFFMEBEFOREITOTALLYLOSEMYSHIT!! Whoosh, The Husband and tweezers to the rescue. Is that a bullseye rash? OMFG! I HAVE LYME DISEASE!! WHAH! Oh, no, wait. Oops, that is just my aerola.
-If you cut down really old rose bushes planted by really old ladies you will get really dirty looks. Especially if you tell them you are putting up a stripper pole in its place. Geesh. A JOKE! It was joke! (At my baby shower, which all of the youth I taught bible study to attended, my friend Amber introduced herself as, “I’m Amber. I have known Hey You for four years. We met while we were both working at the same strip club.)
-It is Friday and I have not finished the Read it or Rant. In fact, I just remembered it right now. Good thing I am not being paid to do it, because right now I am going to take a nap instead of any more blogging! If I can make it to my room. So tired……**smack** head hits desk**Honk-shoooooooo**
Filed under Boy is my face red, Breastfeeding, Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies | Comments (3)It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
The Husband and I were living in a craptastic rental house in a town whose claim to fame was that there had not been a shooting at the Burger King in two months. It was a drive to our jobs, our neighbors were INSANE (side note: our 70 year old neighbor would mow her lawn in a string bikini, and there was a little girl who stood on the corner holding a poster with facts about George Washington. Really!) , and I am pretty sure that it was haunted. Anyway, we had to move.
So we started looking for houses in my hometown. We looked at a lot of houses and saw several that would do, but none that were THE ONE. Our realtor was starting to get irritated. I think in a last ditch effort to have us make up our mind, she showed us the most filthy house I have ever seen. It had wood paneling, thirty five year old gold, shag carpeting, and the walls had streaks of DIRT, and ICK, running down them. It was wall to wall furniture and smelled of smoke.
All of the above are with the mean, MEAN, old, OLD lady’s shitze still in it, so feel free to mock how ugly it all is. And yet, as soon as we were in the front door I KNEW, KNEW, KNEW that it was our house. The reason? Well partially because it was affordable enough we could afford to paint, refloor, and rehab the house, but mostly it was the neighborhood. It has old trees, is on a quiet street, is close to our church, and has good schools.
We worked our fingers to the bone making the house livable. It turns out that my Dad is a good carpenter, my Mom can paint with the best of them, and my Father-in-law could easily be a professional dry-waller (there was so much drywall dust that both dogs got respiratory infections and the vet asked if they had been spending time in a construction zone). The Husband put in wood(ish) floors with the help of everybody (me included). I scraped popcorn ceiling until my arms could not move. Long story short, it is much better now.
Stay tuned for part two (as soon as I clean enough to take the after pictures.)
Filed under Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies, lexapro lexplains it | Comments (12)And there was no sunburn.
The Son and I spent a total of SEVEN hours outside yesterday. It was sunny and the perfect temperature, and I just could not stand staying in after all of that rain. We went to the park, bought flowers at the nursery, had a picnic, took a nursey-nap with the door to our bedroom open to the back yard. The breeze was blowing the curtains gently, and the wind-chimes tinkled and the birds chirped. Best nap I have ever had. We then planted a small container garden, and some hanging pots, and painted some things in the back yard that needed to be spruced up after the long winter. He ate a lot of dirt, and licked wet spray paint, but so far he is no worse for the wear. By six we were filthy, wet, covered in blue paint, and very tired (I almost fell asleep during the season finale of The Biggest Loser. ((YEAH ALI!! I was routing for you!))) More days like that and we will not need the Lexapro!
Filed under Family-blame the DNA, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, lexapro lexplains it | Comments OffIn case your Fridge looks like mine.
All Condiments and nothing to put them on.
Click to see larger.
La tee da! Hey You was right! And the Hulk agrees.
Check out the second question answered by The Hulk today!
Filed under Breastfeeding, Parenting for Dummies, The Son, Time Suckers | Comment (1)