TheHuckablubber

The Mom and The Dad gave us a membership to the local fitness center for Christmas. (We asked for it, one should never give a gym membership unrequested) We both have jobs that keep us firmly on our asses all day, at night we play with the son…usually on the floor with trucks or blocks, and then we sit around reading or playing around online. In other words we were as sedentary as shale. (Get it? Shale is a sedentary rock? Never mind. Maybe I should delete that? Oops too late I already hit publish) Where was I again? Oh yeah, The Husband and Hey You were getting fat. We have been doing really well as far as going to the gym. We have missed only two days in the past month. We have cut down on refined sugar, unnecessary carbs and fried foods.

Yeah…..The Husband has lost TWENTYFRIGGINTWO pounds in less than a month. I have been doing the same thing, plus breastfeeding, and I have lost four.

Ick. Men suck reason four hundred and seventeen.

Hey, is your husband weird about changing at the gym? I walk from the showers to the lockers in a towel, often with a toddler trying to pull it off. There are always women of all ages in various stages of undress and it is so not a big deal. But The Husband, sigh, The Husband will wear his wet bathing suit home in 20 degree weather instead of changing in front strangers. I am sure that he is going to freeze off parts that I have become very attached too because he is so stubborn and shy. Is it just him? Tell me yes so I can show him the comments and tell him to GET OVER IT ALREADY!

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La Leche

Alternate title: Controversy in a D-cup

The Son is still breastfed. Yup, sixteen and a half months, and no sign of the end in sight.

You could probably tell from my previous post that I have very strong feelings about breastfeeding, and I get asked often by well intentioned relatives when I am going to wean him, and the answer is I plan on letting him wean himself when he is ready. People may think that is weird so let me tell you a little story.

The Husband and I tried to get pregnant for several months, and I got my first positive pregnancy test on Christmas Eve. We read everything we could get our hands on to prepare us, attended every class offered. Before he was born I thought that I was as prepared as possible to be the best mom I could.

I had a C-section and was on some pretty hardcore drugs after his birth; they may have had something to do with the mishmash emotions that I felt. I remember the first time I saw him thinking he looked exactly like his dad, and feeling excited and terrified, but not this huge wash of all consuming love that everyone said I would feel. I held him and waves of “awh, he is so cute”, “oh, he is amazing” were intermingled with thoughts of “Holy Shit, what have I done to my life?”, and “I have no idea what the hell I am doing.” Looking back on it, I had a pretty severe post-partum depression (and it was not going to be cured by vitamins, no matter what Tom Cruise and his fellow aliens say.) Through it all I keep thinking that at least he was getting breast milk. At least I could do that right.

Somewhere my head got all twisted and even though I was doing EVERY SINGLE THING that I was supposed to do to raise a happy healthy child, I thought I was doing a bad job. We have all of these rules and routines and philosophies. We were overachieving parents of an infant. The Son had far exceeded each and every milestone developmentally and physically. But still, according to my brain I was just as bad of a mom as some crack whore who leaves their kids alone in a nasty trailer to be watched by heaps of dirty laundry and rats. (um, we do have the heaps of dirty laundry, but no rats.) I thought that as long as I was breast feeding then I was at least doing one good thing for my baby.

He had nothing but breast milk for the first six months of his life. At about ten months he had exactly twelve formula bottles when he was in daycare because I did not have enough frozen milk to give him. Those days I felt like such a failure because I was not able to provide for my son. I beat myself up because I knew that breast milk was what was best for him and that I was too lazy to stay up all night to pump enough for him to eat at school. In other words, Hey You was crazy.

After several months, and throw in some serious job stress, these feelings turned from anxiety to thoughts like, “He has the world’s best dad, and I have life insurance, maybe if I could store up enough frozen milk, they would just be better off if I drove off this bridge.” Every tiny ache or fever or rash sent me to Web MD to figure out which fatal disease The Son or I had. In the course of a year we had ALS, brain tumors, heart disease, blood clots, Lupus, Lyme disease, RSV (oh, wait, he really did have that one), anyway, you get the point. If you have never had feelings like this, and I pray that you have not, and will not, they are terrifying. This was not me! Where had the happy-go-lucky, confident, and cheerful Hey You gone?

After finally confiding in The Husband, he held my hand while I called first my doctor and then the local counseling group. I was put on a mild anti-depressant, and have done about nine months worth of talk therapy. I have added exercise back into my life and am trying to eat with my health (instead of my cravings for chocolate) in mind. I am getting better. I still have days that I have panic attacks for stupid reasons. I still head to Google to check on weird symptoms, but usually catch myself and stop. I still wonder why people are expected to do the hardest job of their life on NO sleep, with their hormones raging, and when they are at their most vulnerable. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. God thought that The Husband and I were the right parents for The Son. And who am I to question with that?

Now I am breast feeding because I want to, and The Son wants to. He will lay next to me as we nurse in bed, and we will hold hands, or he will stroke my cheek as I stroke his. I can feel his breathing change from fast to slow as he relaxes against me. We will look into each other’s eyes, or just sleep. We have perfected the art of the nursey-nap. Nursing is a special time I am not ready to lose, I wasted too many months not enjoying the gift I was given, and I plan to cherish this as long as we both are comfortable.

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Prelude to the Breast

Stay tuned to tomorrow’s post for one of the hardest things I have ever written, the reason that I wanted to start a blog in the first place, to be therapeutic. Here is a list to get you in the right mind set, stolen from various lists here and there.

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The following is a list of some of the benefits of breastfeeding for babies, mothers, and the world

For Babies:

• Children receive the most complete and optimal mix of nutrients & antibodies
• The varying composition of breastmilk keeps pace with the infant’s individual growth and changing nutritional needs
• Have fewer incidences of vomiting and diarrhea in the US (20-35 million episodes of diarrhea occur in children under the age of 5, resulting in over 200,000 hospitalizations and 400-500 deaths in the U.S.)
• Protection against gastroenteritis, necrotizing entercolitis
• Reduced risk of chronic constipation, colic, and other stomach upsets
• Reduced risk of childhood diabetes
• Protection against ear infections, respiratory illnesses, pneumonia, bronchitis, kidney infections, septicemia (blood poisoning),
• Protection against allergies, asthma, eczema, and severity of allergic disease
• Reduced risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) Statistics reveal that for every 87 deaths from SIDS, only 3 are breastfed.
• Protection against meningitis, botulism, childhood lymphoma, Crohn’s disease and ulcerative entercolitis
• Decreased risk of tooth decay (cavities)
• Nursing promotes facial structure development, enhanced speech, straighter teeth and enhances vision.
• Breastfed infants develop higher IQ’s, and have improved brain and nervous system development; IQ advantage of 10-12 points studied at ages 8, 12, and 18. (Breastfeeding is considered the 4th trimester in brain growth and development…there are specific proteins in human milk that promote brain development))
• Reduced risk of heart disease later in life
• Increased bone density
• Breastfeeding plays an important role in the emotional and spiritual development of babies
• Breastfed babies enjoy a special warm bonding and emotional relationship with their mothers
• Antibody response to vaccines are higher
• Are hospitalized 10 times less than formula fed infants in the first year of life
• The colostrum (first milk) coats the GI tract, preventing harmful bacteria and allergy -triggering protein molecules from crossing into baby’s blood
• Decreased risk for vitamin E and Iron deficiency anemia
• Decreased risk for acute appendicitis, rheumatoid arthritis, inguinal hernia, pyloric stenosis
• There are factors in human milk that destroy E coli, salmonella, shigella, streptococcus, pneumococcus….and many others
• Less risk of childhood obesity

For Moms:

• Reduced risk of breast, ovarian, cervical, and endometrial cancers
• Reduced risk of anemia
• Protection against osteoporosis and hip fracture later in life
• Reduced risk of mortality for women with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) has been associated with total time of lactation
• Helps the mother’s body return to its prepregnancy state faster - promotes weight loss…1/2 of calories needed to manufacture milk is pulled from fat stores… can burn from 500 - 1,500 calories per day.
• Helps delay return of fertility and to space subsequent pregnancies
• Develops a special emotional relationship and bonding with her child
• Breastmilk is free-reducing or eliminating the cost of formula (in the thousands of dollars/per year)
• Breastfed babies are sick less thus reducing healthcare costs to family in doctor’s office visits, prescriptions, over the counter medicine purchases, and hospitalizations
• Moms miss less time from work due to child related illnesses
• Helps the uterus contract after birth to control postpartum bleeding
• You can have orgasms while nursing in the beginning
• Breastfeeding reduces the cost of healthcare by promoting healthier children and mothers……….If all WIC babies in the U.S. were breastfed, our economical savings would be $33,000,000 per month ……….In 1993, 90,000 babies were hospitalized for RSV at a cost of 450 million dollars. Currently, the U.S. spends over 1 billion dollars a year on Otitis Media (ear infections)
• Reduced insurance premiums for both parents and employers
• Breastfeeding reduces global pollution by decreasing the use of resources and energy required to produce, process, package, distribute, promote and dispose of materials created by the manufacture and use of artificial baby milk
• Reduced tax burden on communities and government to ensure children are properly fed
• Reduced absenteeism in the workplace due to children’s illnesses
• Breastfeeding makes you feel good, the hormones produced during nursing have an endorphin effect giving you a relaxed feeling.
• You have a great excuse to sit down and relax…..
• You can nurse while sleeping…nursing moms get more rest than formula feeding moms.
• Breastfeeding saves moms about 7 hours a week off their feet.
• No screaming baby in the middle of the night waiting on the formula to heat up.
• It’s the only time you can ever lose weight without dieting or exercise!
• Breastfeeding is more convenient, when traveling, all you need is to take diapers, the milk is always available, sterile, and the right temperature.
• During times of disaster, you don’t have to worry about finding formula.
• Breastfed babies smell great….spit ups don’t stain, or smell, and poopie diapers are not offensive…(until solids are introduced)
• Breastfed babies know their moms and will never confuse them with a sitter.
• The strong bond developed with nursing is much more intense.
• There is no feeling to describe the child suckling at your breast and letting go to give you a big smile; and knowing that the growth of your baby came from what your body produced!
• The satisfaction of knowing you are giving your baby the best start in life!
• Breastmilk tastes great! Its sweet tasting! It varies in taste according to the foods mom eats. Have you ever tasted formula? Ugh!
• Breastfeeding requires the use of only one arm….you can do other things while breastfeeding, (except cooking and driving)
• Many, many more benefits, too numerous to list!!!

Feel free to add your own! I know there may be some advantages to formula feeding so you can add those if you want too. This is not meant to be a judgmental post… as long as you feed your baby something.

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Gentlemen, Don’t forget your cup.

Helmets are mandatory, you need elbow and knee pads. Be prepared for carnage and to see your life flash before your eyes. You WILL see blood, mucus, drool, the flailing of limbs with uncut fingernails, and the gnashing of teeth. This is not a game for the weak of heart. Say your prayers and kiss your Mama before you go out there. God be with you.

It is time to play MOLAR DERBY!!

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And I scratch yours

The Husband has a condition I like to refer to as IBS. No, it has nothing to do with his bowels, that is a whole other post titled The Library. The IBS I am referring to is his constantly itchy back, so bad it has been now titled Itchy Back Syndrome. Not long after we started dating he looked at me with his gorgeous eyes the color of the Atlantic and said, “Hey You, will you do me a favor?”

Expecting some huge ordeal I hesitantly replied “um, Maybe?”

“Will you scratch my back for me?”

Relieved that is all he wanted, I magnanimously agreed. He thanked me so profusely afterwards that you would think that I gave him my right kidney (I have no idea why the right, but it just seems like a bigger deal than giving your left. Poor left. Just another example of the rampant leftism in our society…..anyway what was I talking about? Oh yes, The Husband’s back.) Ever since then he has asked me at least every couple of days to give his back a good ‘ole scratching. He has a very nice back, it is not hairy or anything. There are no pimples or lesions of any sort, but I just don’t really like to do it.

There have been times when I turn around at a strange noise to see The Husband rubbing his dorsal up and down the corner of our wall like that bear (the Sun Bear?) at the zoo that looks like he is waving. I am vehemently opposed to this method for fear of having to repaint the wall (it is a very tricky corner, tan on one side and grass green on the other—it would be a real pain in the ass to try to repaint). Basically I think he should just deal with it. He is so wonderful in 98% of the ways a woman could want that I just let this one go. Until Christmas that is. In his stocking at his Mom and Dad’s house he had an honest to God bamboo back scratcher. I thought it was a joke, but he was so excited about it, even more so than for the stainless steel trashcan, my favorite gift from Santa. He got it home, stashed it by his side of the bed and uses that friggin’ thing every single night.

You would think that I would be relieved that he no longer asks me with those puppy dog eyes to do it for him, but it does not override the ick factor I get watching him do this! He uses first one arm and then the other and stretches his arm in all sorts of weird positions with his armpit hair sticking out all crazy like. My brain says at least he is not scratching that special place that his panties cover. Maybe I would like the back scratcher better if I Bedazzled it.

Other than the obvious solution of, “Hey You! Get the hell over it!” What should I do dear Internet? Does your The Husband or The Significant Other have itches that bother you?

Filed under Boy is my face red, The Husband | Comments (2)

Tome Sweet Tome

I have recently been going through all of The Son’s books (he has quite a collection) to put away some of the ones that are way too young or old for him. There are so many wonderful classics there, that I decided to share with you the list of my all time favorites in the order (more or less) that I loved them. I always think you can learn a lot about a person by their bookshelf, so here is a little bit more about Hey You.

The Pokey Little Puppy by Janette Sebring Lowrey and Gustaf Tenggren

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess

Hop on Pop by Dr. Suess

Heidi by Johanna Spyri

Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates by Mary Mapes Dodge

Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar

The Little House Series by Laura Ingles Wilder

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

The Anne of Green Gables Series by L.M. Montgomery

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Bridge to Terbithia by Katherine Paterson

As the Waltz was Ending by Emma Macalik Butterworth

Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

Watership Down by Richard Adams

Harry Potter The Goblet of Fire is my Favorite, but the whole series really by JK Rowling

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

The Red Tent my current all time favorite by Anita Diamant

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Stone Tables by Orson Scott Card

The Teachings of Don Juan: a Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda

Lincoln on Leadership by Donald T. Phillips

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie

Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier

Wicked and Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire

The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine

Attachment Parenting This one is a must read for all parents By Dr. William and Martha Sears

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank I read this as a child, but re-read it after our trip to Amsterdam, OMG I missed so much as a kid

Children Playing before a Statue of Hercules favorites of David Sedaris

Villages by John Updike

Okay, I showed you mine now show me yours!

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The world according to The Son

What I can say (what I mean) (as of January 2008)

Mama (The one with the Nur-Nurs, ummmmm, Nur-Nur *drool*)

Daddy (My Favorite person in the Whole Wide World, except when I am hungry)

Panpa (Grandpa, the one who I act just like, my fellow left-brained relative)

Ammy (Grammy, EeeeHHH Love, I used to call you Stomp-Stomp)

Pappaw (the one who I look just like, has more than his fair share of his DNA in me)

Gggigshi (Gigi, EeeeeHHH Love, can we play the piano?)

Gon (The Uncle, who refuses to give me high five, but has taught me how to shake hands, v. useful skill for my future in politics. I miss you.)

Gosshua (The other Uncle, the one who calls me Grasshopper)

Dawg, and Dawgie (those furry creatures whose ears I want to pull and whose food I consider my own)

Aitee (the specific dawgie who lives in my house and steals my food and kills my toys. I love her best )

No, No, No ,NO (um, hello I said NO, why are you still standing there?)

Abby (Gabby, someone to make me giggle)

Bite (Scratching my itchy teeth on other’s flesh, and when I want a taste of your food instead of mine)

Kool (school, ooh goodie where I go to bite my peers)

Iaper (Diaper, time to get the gas mask my servants, I mean parents)

Nur-Nur (please let me suck a little more life out of you, Mama)

Shar (car, Grandpa can I plueaaase drive it?)

Truck (Oh My GOD, A TRUCK! Do you see the TRUCK! A TRUCK!) editors note: we live in the south, there are a lot of trucks.

Vroom vroom (the language of all things with wheels)

Cacker (cracker, a suitable breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack)

Kookay (cookie, more please because the Dawg stole the first four from me.)

Ceeesse(not real cheese, yuck, I only want the individual slices that are the color of a school bus)

Nigh-Nigh (Good-Night dear parent, I will see you in two hours when I wake up screaming)

Eeearr (the orifice on the side of my head that you make me point to and then clap)

Nosh (the orifice on the front of my face that often has the green eleven and where sometimes crayons go)

Ead (that cute thing on top of my neck that has hair that sticks straight up, also, a good place to put mashed up food)

Anana (Banana, num-num, check my hair for left-overs)

Paple (Apple, num-num, but you had better bring it to me sliced and peeled or you will see my head spin around backwards)

Uh-oh (my first word, I say it often for good reason)

Shoe (same word for shoe, foot, and sock, I will be glad to identify every one I see for you)

Bawl (anything that is round including but limited to: balls, the moon, beads on necklaces, oranges, and Daddy’s head)

Iwuvehh ( I love you too, really I do, let me head butt you to prove it)

AEEHHHHHHHHHHHAWWW (Do My Will Plebeians or I will make your ears bleed with my screeches)

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